Our Daughter Called Her Dad

Just out of the blue today, my daughter told me that she called her dad and he actually answered. I was shocked and happy all in one, that he took the time to answer her call. I was curious, of course, to see why she had called him after all this time has passed, and she told me that she just wanted to know how he was doing. They didn't talk long but she finally had assurance that he was doing alright.
I think that when our children go through infidelity issues with parents, or learn of what's happened, they go through alot of hurt and pain, like we do. When families break apart, they are also torn. They have no idea what went on or why one parent left the other. My daughter never knew why her dad and I broke apart until she was old enough to handle the truth. She saw with her own two eyes how he treated me, but never had the final answer until I felt she could deal with it. That also went hand in hand on when she dates boys for what is acceptable and what isn't. I believe that through all the hurt and heartache he has caused for our family, she eventually came through it....although I still know that she's crushed by his not calling or coming over for such a long time and yet that is another story to tell....but only time will tell if he will start calling her now since she's made the first attempt. I am proud of her for trying...it seems as if she is more adult-like than he ever was.

Child Support and A Teen

These days just seem to go so fast, and my daughter is maturing every day. She is now 16 and even though she's tiny and thin, she EATS so much! She is a very smart young lady, very caring and very thoughtful. Her father sends her child support every month, although it is always mid-month before we get it. He just doesn't seem to understand that it goes to pay for the things that SHE needs. It's not about me anymore, it's about her! What doesn't he understand about having a daughter? It's not about child support only, it's about spending time with her and calling her to see how she's doing. I know that the money helps, but where's his heart? Where is the man she calls "dad"? I know that he is with the other woman now, and lives with her too, but why can't he find a few precious moments to come see our daughter, or at least call her? She has her own cell phone, he knows the number. She is driving now too, but he hasn't bothered to even ask her to meet him somewhere, let alone come here to see her. I just don't get it and it really makes me sad!

And Life Goes On....

Well, it's been a little while since he's called me, which means that he doesn't need my help for anything, which is good. I would have thought that by now, and his being with the other woman and now living with her once again, that SHE would be the one to take care of his "woes". I hope that one day he will no longer think that I am supposed to keep on doing things for him. The last time I heard from him was because he wants me to take over the house that he fought me for. I have NO plans on bailing him out of the house, because he owes over $3000 to the man he's buying it from and there is no way that I can help him with that. I have my own life going on now, and it's good......maybe not perfect, but it's getting there. Life MUST go on for me and I need to keep him out of my life. I have found out a long time ago that all he does is hurt me and I don't want to be reeled back in. If you would have asked me a year ago if life goes on without him, I would have cried until there were no tears left, but now, I am over him and moving on with life. If you are out there, and you are going through the pain of infidelity, please know that life WILL go on , and it DOES get better. Never give up.

Broken Hearts Are Meant To Be Put Back Together

I truly and honestly believe that broken hearts are meant to be put back together....but that doesn't mean that it has to be put back together by my ex. I am done, done, done. There is no turning back to be with him. I guess that I was put through the test the other day when I saw him. I didn't see him with his other woman, but nonetheless, I came face to face with him. He certainly has grown "old and gray" really fast. I was able to look at him without letting those big brown eyes get to me. I am so proud of myself. I think for me, once he finally admitted that he was going to move back in with his other woman and finally admit that she was not a figment of my imagination, that put everything into perspective for me. No more lies and no more wondering for me. It's done, she's got him now and I am so glad that I am at a closure with this. I had a broken heart over him for such a long time and I know that now that my life has come to an end with him, it's time to heal. Broken hearts ARE meant to heal.

Telling The Truth About His Feelings

Did he even care about me at all during our marriage? I am sure that at one point he did, but if he was unhappy, why didn't he tell me about it? Why did he have to sneak behind my back? I wonder now why he just couldn't face me? Well, to be quite honest about this whole mess, I think that he was happy with the most of our marriage and he wanted to be with me while it was convenient for me to wash his clothes, help him pay all the bills and run his errands and his self-employed business for him. He always came home to a clean home, hot food to eat, and never had to write out a check for the bills because I did all that. What man wouldn't be happy about that? No, honestly I think that maybe he started seeing this other woman because she was "needy". She needed someone to help take her places because she didn't have a car. At least the first other woman didn't. The second other woman didn't even know how to drive. They both had that in common. They both constantly needed money and someone to do their "honey do's" so maybe he felt more needed by them. I hate to say it, but even though I needed honey-do stuff done around the house, I pretty much stood up on my own two feet. Maybe he just thought that I would never find out.....but I did. Where was his honesty when we really needed it? I lost so much time hoping he would change, but that never happened.

Why Did He Try To "Be-little" Me?

Everyone knows that when you are married or in a trusted relationship for a bit of time, there are disagreements, arguments and things of such. Nobody can get along totally without some kind of discussions at times. At first, before he cheated on me, we were like a normal couple with the every day things also with times of having to deal with problems. But, after he started cheating on me, I noticed that he would start picking fights with me and I just never could figure out what was going on with him. There were times that I thought that he was a Dr. Jeckle-Mr Hyde kind of guy. He seemed to wait for any kind of reason to start something and it would make me cry that he would pick on me so much. He even got down-right nasty at times and suddenly decided to call each one of my friends names......ugly names. Did he feel guilty about his cheating on me and that's why he picked on me so much? Why would he call names, and even start calling me names and hurting my feelings so much? Was he so in to the other woman that he only felt happy with her, but miserable with me? I guess he just took it too far, because I eventually divorced him and then he started crying. Why did he even have to start ?

What Happens When You Look Back

What happens when you look back? Do you see all the bad things that happened while you were with him? In my case, it always seemed that every time I reminisced, I saw only the good things. I don't know if my mind just wanted to remember only those good times because it hurt so badly when we were going through his cheating or if it's our body's way of protecting us from reliving some of those really awful moments. Looking back, I can see many things that could have been done differently. I could have chosen to "see" and acknowledge his infidelity much sooner and then I might not have lost so much of life's precious time. Perhaps looking back, I could have discovered sooner that I really couldn't control what he was doing, that only he could. Looking back, I still wonder to this day, why did it have to happen to us!

When Will I Stop Caring?

I would like to know when I am going to stop caring about what happened to us? It took so much of my time worrying about what he did to me, to our family and us, and now that it's over, I am still sitting here trying to figure out when will I stop caring about it all? Maybe it's all those years we had together that are still stuck in my mind and wondering why it was all just tossed away as though they didn't matter at all. Maybe it's that we created a bond, a family and I am still wondering why we weren't special enough for him to want to take care of us, so that we could still continue being a family. All in all, even though it's over and done with, still with no answers about the whole infidelity mess he created, I want to get over it, and I think that I am on the road to a good start about it, but when will I stop caring?

Why Would You Want To Settle For Less?

Settling for less, being second best is definitely no fun at all. We marry or partner with someone who you love, make the commitment of loving each other, and at that time, we feel like no one or anything in the world can break things apart. We go into a loving, trusting partnership. When infidelity is discovered, we're shown how horrible and wrong things in our marriage/partnership can be. This is something that I never thought would have happened to me. Never in my wildest of dreams would I ever have thought he would have even contenplated cheating on me. I didn't want to even acknowledge his cheating either, so why did I let it go on for so long? Why couldn't I have done more about it? Why would he even think that I would settle for less than his best? These questions I ask because I can now look back and try to see what happened, even though we are no longer together, the pain still exists.

I Wanted To Deny That He Cheated On Me!

"Oh, I am so sorry!" he exclaimed once he knew I had HAD enough of his lies and sneakiness. Those words I can hear over and over in my head, but it doesn't make it feel any better. I suppose if he had meant what he said, and actually made an honest and sincere effort to show me how sorry he was, things might have been different. Why I let it continue for such a long time is a mystery to me.....almost like I was there in body, but not with my mind in tact. I wanted to be with this man so much. It was such a tragedy that he cheated on me, that I just didn't want to face the truth about it. Have you ever just let things drag on and on, just hoping that you didn't see what you thought you saw, or heard what you thought you heard? Infidelity really turned my world upside down...and I am so glad that I am finally out of it.

Moving On Past Infidelity

Oh, this is one of the hardest things in life, well, maybe it's just me, but after being with someone, sharing your life with them, and then to have it all come crashing down on you is life altering. Here is my checklist for reasons to move on past infidelity.

1. The past is in the past. You cannot change it no matter how hard you try.
2. Remembering CAN be a good thing, but dwelling on it can be disastrous to your health.
3. Forgiving can help your body let go of some of the heartaches that infidelity brings.
4. It's hard to move on and go forward with your life, if you are still looking back.
5. Starting a fresh new start can really help you see that there IS life after infidelity.
6. If you have children, they need us to be healthy and strong. Taking care of ourselves helps us to take care of them.
   

Giving Myself a Much Needed Break

I think that I have been going around in circles for a very long time now. I question myself about his cheating, but have never found an answer. I don't think I ever will get the answer that I am looking for. How easy is it to move on without those much needed answers? Well, for me, it's been alot of pain and suffering because I go back and forth trying to answer those questions myself. I think that it's time to finally make a step forward. I am going to give it a try. I need to try and focus on myself now and get over the fact that he cheated on me and that it was NOT my fault. I know in my heart, that I did what I was supposed to do and I kept my end of the marriage true, right to the end. The only thing left is a broken marriage to look back on. Let me try and put one step forward and many more to come. I need to give myself a much needed break on the worrying.

Am I Invisible?

There have been those kind of moments, where I could relax and say "awe" and finally sigh a breath of relief that I don't have to worry about him cheating on me anymore, but then, I have these moments where I wonder if I was invisible to him. Did he not see my face when we discussed "her"? Did he not see that he was ripping my heart into shreds when he constantly denied that she even existed? How could he not see how much he hurt me? Did he fall out of love with me, because he was so in tuned with the other woman, that he just quit caring about how I was hurt? I think maybe he saw me as an invisible woman, with no feelings what-so-ever. How can you love and be with someone for all those years, and all of a sudden, you feel like you have become a nobody.

Where Does The Other Woman Lurk?

Not that I should care about the other woman, but I still wonder where she's at. I know that she hasn't moved into my old house, but I wonder if she goes over there to visit, and does she go through some of the things I left there? Does she laugh in silence about my moving out, and now he's free? I have to wonder, although I know it's not important anymore. Would I even recognize her if I ran into her at the grocery store? I honestly don't think so because even though I saw her a time or two, I don't remember her. The only thing I remembered when I saw her last was "why would he want her over me"? I never got that answer and I know I never will. Moving on after infidelity sure is hard.....but I know I will get there someday.

So Many Mixed-Up Emotions

I have been finding out that not only can I love him and hate him at the same time, it's exhausting. I have moments that I feel like things are going along smoothly, and all of a sudden, it feels like the bottom of the pitts. Why does it have to be like this? We cry over how things didn't work out, we get mad over the things that we couldn't change but wanted to, and we sometimes dwell upon the past. I know that after infidelity, life has to be better than this. I feel like this man has walked all over me, yet he felt like I was the one who had to pick up the pieces and go on. I was left holding the bag. Not a good feeling, however, I know that I have to get through all of these emotions before I can move on to something better. Gotta keep my chin up, because I know that even after infidelity, life can be better.

Trying to Make a Difference In My Life

After much ado, about a very important issue, I took a stand. I felt like I was not going to get anywhere just hiding beneath the cracks and being stepped upon by some other woman. Honestly, that's how I felt. How could he give her the upper hand over me, especially since he was living with me? If he wanted to be with her so much, why didn't he just pack his bags and leave? That was a million dollar question. For one, he had way too many things in the garage to move once again. He didn't like change. He just wanted to go on and on this way, doing as he pleased. I HAD to do something......but what could I have done to make a big impact on this whole ordeal we were going through? I didn't want the other woman to chase me out of my own home though. I had to think on this awhile, and while I did, I decided to give him "the cold shoulder" for awhile. It was hard at first because he thought I was going to give in right away. I got up in the mornings, made my kids breakfast and tending to my own business. He was floored. He did not like this at all, but I had to stick with it to see if it was going to get me anywhere. I hated having to go through this. I felt like a teenager in high school again, planning out my next move.

Was I "HIS" second best?

As time went on, things settled down alot, at least for a little while. The "other woman" was no longer in the picture because she had opened a credit card using his social security and then didn't pay the bill, causing his credit to take a dive and he was mad. Even though I helped him get this credit blunder corrected, I secretly, under my breath, was glad that something happened to stop all of this. I wanted him to feel betrayed by her, so he would then see how much he hurt me. It was maybe that thing they call " what comes around goes around". But to be truthful, that wasn't going to make him love me more. He professed his love all along, but there was no way, in MY eyes that he could love me if he was cheating on me. With no more calls from the other woman coming in, or even when they were, they were not answered, I started to relax a little bit and tried to go on with my life. I still felt rejected, and like I was second best. How could I have let a man do this to me? This was a question that I struggled hard about.

Why Did I Think I Needed Him?

Oh, the thought of just having a chance to put "us" back together was something that I wanted. I lived through good times and bad times with this man. What was so appealing about him? Why did I think that I needed to be with him? Well, let me see here, first of all, we had love, or maybe it was just me. Secondly, we had a daughter together. Maybe I was glued, attached or cemented to him. I really don't know what the appeal was all about. He was a very nice looking man, and he took care of himself. He was a hard working man. But when I looked at the flip side of the coin, he was sneaky, a liar, definetly not much of a family man, and most of all, he was a cheat. Boy, I sound harsh here, don't I ? Was this a man that I was going to stay with? Even though he was mad at "the other woman" for messing up his credit, that didn't mean that he really wanted to be with me.

What Can We Do About Change?

Life is hard, having to go through infidelity. We marry or get with another person to spend our lives together, sharing with that other person. Things can go along great for awhile. Then something happens....but what is it? How do you know when things are changing? Well, you don't always know that, especially if your lives become really crazy busy. What about when children start coming along and there are more obligations to attend to than just "you and him"? Oh, let me tell you, sometimes life gets going along ever so quickly that it blindsides you. Work is hard, coming home exhausted, our lives get busy and wow! the next thing you know, your routines get in an uproar and there you have it--- change. When things start changing, we don't always stop and address the issues. Maybe we should. Maybe we need to keep a closer eye on things. I wish I knew the answers here. I thought that things in my marriage were going great. I mean, after all, I was working, keeping up with all the housework, the cooking and the laundry. I was taking care of "our" children and he should be happy, right? I was even making special time for "us". What in the world happened to us?

Facing what was happening

Talking to an old friend of my family was so helpful to me. I was so desperate for someone other than my parents to "hear my story". I felt like the world had stopped and nothing else was going on in it. Yes, the daily business of life always takes first place, but I had stopped wanting to go out and enjoy the very things that I loved to do. I didn't attend any more movies, not much shopping and things just felt like they stopped for me. I was wanting to tell my happenings to someone to get their opinion. I wasn't ready for anyone to tell me exactly WHAT to do, but I wanted someone to at least hear me, someone to make me feel like I wasn't alone in this. Believe it or not, I even went on Ivillage and joined the forum there and annonymously talked to the others who were going through this. Oh boy, this made me feel like I had others to back me up in this. I had to soon realize that I was NOT crazy.. there really was someone on the other line of his phone. There really were hang-up calls. I had to face what was right in my face. It hurt so much.