Children and Divorce

Children are the future of our society. What are they learning from us about divorce? I know that when I was married to my ex, my children learned how they thought it was okay to treat me the same way that he treated me....that was no good. Was I so busy trying to save my marriage that I didn't stop and think about what they were learning? As adults, we get so busy with work, bills, cooking and just daily life that we often feel that "kids are kids and they are too young to actually know what's going on" but actually, from the time they are born, they are watching and learning. Children are so smart. They learn what they live. Some divorces should be done out there, especially the ones that are in abuse, cheating and other bad examples from one spouse or the other....but what about the spouse that's just bored? Marriages can get to be humdrum sometimes when we have so many other things to tend to in life. Maybe we need to remember that while we are married, we need to nurture that as well as taking care of the other things in life....after all, our children are watching.

Why would he do this?

What am I doing? I asked myself this many times and I was so terribly confused with all the pain. How could he do this to me? "This isn't love," I cried. Why would he do this? There were so many questions that were left unanswered. As much as I tried ignoring the pain, it just wouldn't go away. He called and he called.. all we did was go around in circles with no really good answers. What did I do? Well, I got a lawyer and talked to him about it, and decided to go ahead and file for divorce. I moved on this quickly. I was too afraid that I'd let my guard down. But to be quite honest, I should have waited and thought this through. IF you are going through this, please don't move on divorce too quickly, because sometimes things really CAN be worked out. I got my divorce, but would soon move back with him, actually it was 8 months later. I will tell you about it in my next posting.

Finding Infidelity

After he got himself all primped up and pretty, he went to work, or so he said. I was on the computer and waiting for him to leave. I got to thinking about what my friend asked me and figured I would go and look for her to see what all was going on. I wanted the DETAILS !!! I got dressed quickly, driving to the apartment complex. Oh my GOSH !!! There was HIS work truck. Oh no, what do I do now? I waited, and seems like it was an eternity. I called my mom crying, I kicked the seat back so no one would notice me. After more than an hour, HE came out, but what? What was this? She was right behind him. I laid back in the seat and watched them get into his vehicle. I decided to call him. I should have gone to the apt to confront him but I was too afraid. "Where are you at?" I asked. He replied, telling me that he was at a job. My heart fell to the floor. I ended up behind him somewhat later. I just couldn't bear watching him drop her off to where ever she was working at now since she had changed jobs. I was sooo stunned to hear him tell me something that I knew was a lie. I had been right there, and I knew where he was. I cried and was so devistated that I felt like I was going crazy.

My husband was changing and I didn't know why

I am the kind of person who wants to believe the best out of everyone. He started being "ugly" towards me, calling me names, calling all of my friends names... such as with one really good friend of mine that came over alot, he would call her "fatty" and then if that wasn't bad enough, he started being "ugly" to my kids. By this time, I had my oldest daughter out of the house, and had my middle daughter(a teen at the time), my youngest son, and OUR daughter. He started throwing fits over things that they did, always on my case about everything they did and if that wasn't enough, he one day threw a loaf of bread at my teen and started laughing at her. I don't know what was going on in his mind but actually she ended up throwing the loaf of bread back at him because he had been acting like a stinker for awhile and we were all tired of it. He started demanding that I buy certain products at the grocery store, wanted to have certain things to eat, and MY cooking wasn't good enough for him all of a sudden. Things changed so quickly and I just didn't know why. Jobs would call for him and he told me to tell them he would be there at a certain time, but instead, he would not show up. You know, I just thought that maybe he was going through a hard time, losing his boss, who was like a father to him.. maybe the stress of new jobs, getting a new business of his own started but I thought maybe things would get better. I wanted to believe the best in him and I stuck through alot of things he did to me that hurt so much. What else could I do ?