Was I "HIS" second best?

As time went on, things settled down alot, at least for a little while. The "other woman" was no longer in the picture because she had opened a credit card using his social security and then didn't pay the bill, causing his credit to take a dive and he was mad. Even though I helped him get this credit blunder corrected, I secretly, under my breath, was glad that something happened to stop all of this. I wanted him to feel betrayed by her, so he would then see how much he hurt me. It was maybe that thing they call " what comes around goes around". But to be truthful, that wasn't going to make him love me more. He professed his love all along, but there was no way, in MY eyes that he could love me if he was cheating on me. With no more calls from the other woman coming in, or even when they were, they were not answered, I started to relax a little bit and tried to go on with my life. I still felt rejected, and like I was second best. How could I have let a man do this to me? This was a question that I struggled hard about.

The Evidence of Private Phone Calls Right In My Face

Why do I have to suffer so much anguish with this man? Private calls were coming in again on his cellular. I got so used to checking his cell phone when he would go and shower. That wasn't a good feeling at all. I hated having to sneak around looking at the calls. It drove me nuts. Why couldn't I have just been able to push it aside in my head and act like things were alright? I wished that I could have turned what they call "a blind eye" to what was going on, but I just couldn't. This wasn't right. And he might have thought that "what I didn't know won't hurt me" but this didn't apply either. How could he think that I wouldn't pick up on these "private calls"? Or when the phone rings and rings 5 or 6 6times in a row, hanging up after so many rings ? Isn't this a warning signal that something is not right? What about the letters? If this wasn't evidence, then what was it?

wishing and hoping

Day by day, time went on, and I had to face him and I knew in the back of my mind that he was cheating on me. He still denied it. Oh, I had so many things go through my head. I wanted to buy one of those gpa and put it in his truck, but heck, they were just coming out at the time and I could not afford something like that. I even thought about buying a small tape recorder and sticking it under his van seat.. no, that wouldn't work either. What could I do to find out? I still questioned myself as to whether I was just thinking wrong or was he really guilty? I wondered why I was spending so much time and energy on this....well, it was because I was in love with this man and I wanted things to be alright again. Wishful thinking