When His Heart Is With Someone Else

What can you do if you have discovered your partner cheating? Do you confront him/her right away? What do you do if you confront them and they are not willing to break things off with the other person in their life and work things out with you? How do you deal with a man whom you have loved for a very long time that wants to be with someone else? When his heart is with someone else, most likely, you might not be able to work anything out. If this is what's happening in your situation, you might try and plead with them to stay, but do you really want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you? It takes two people in a relationship to work things out. If they want to be with someone else, most likely it's over. Talking about the situation calmly can sometimes shed some light on what's going on with them and why they feel the need to be with someone else. A counselor or pastor can often offer some help. Remember, you can't make someone love you or be with you., and really, you deserve someone better than that.

Did You Ever Get So Mad At Him That You Just......

thought you'd go crazy? I found myself in that position many times and I can't tell you why he kept his behaviour up like that knowing that I would find out. The man cheated.....ok, so if he loved me so darned much, why didn't he see that he was hurting me? He saw me crying, out of control at times with crying and not understanding. He told me that he wanted to work things out but he was unwilling to go to counseling, and he told me that it was over with the other woman so we should just get on with life. What life did I actually have, knowing that his actions were not backed up by his words. His outlook was to just brush it off like it never happened and go on. I got so mad at him that there were times that I couldn't even concentrate on other things in my life. My anger interrupted my sleep at night, my work life and I couldn't help myself. I had to seek someone to talk to about it because I felt like it was ruining my life. The daily drama was coming in between everything in my life. Anger is a very powerful feeling.....try and find someone to talk to so it will try and ease your mind and not let it interrupt your life like it did mine.

What Happens When You Look Back

What happens when you look back? Do you see all the bad things that happened while you were with him? In my case, it always seemed that every time I reminisced, I saw only the good things. I don't know if my mind just wanted to remember only those good times because it hurt so badly when we were going through his cheating or if it's our body's way of protecting us from reliving some of those really awful moments. Looking back, I can see many things that could have been done differently. I could have chosen to "see" and acknowledge his infidelity much sooner and then I might not have lost so much of life's precious time. Perhaps looking back, I could have discovered sooner that I really couldn't control what he was doing, that only he could. Looking back, I still wonder to this day, why did it have to happen to us!

Infidelity, It's Nothing New To Our Day...

Infidelity has been around for a very long time. It kind of makes you wonder why a hard learned lesson keeps happening over and over again, almost like no-one has even been hurt or ever learned from their mistakes. When my ex cheated on me, I felt like I was the only one in the world who had been touched by such a horrific act. I didn't think about anyone else going through it, except for what I was going through and how it was affecting me and my children. I think that sometimes we get hurt so badly that our world just stops spinning and nothing else seems to matter. Truth be told, infidelity is nothing new....it's been around as long as forever. What makes someone want to hurt another person so bad and still think it's ok? Have we not learned from our mistakes? I will remember when going into another relationship, that we are all just human, and underneath all the love, there will be mistakes, but honestly, if it ever happens again, I will just have to decide to live my life alone. I hope that I never get to that point.

Did He Have Way Too Much Freedom?

I ask myself this, knowing the answer was probably yes. I am a very trusting person and have always been that way, wanting to believe the best out of everyone, especially the one I was with. If you are going to have a good relationship, you have to have trust. I thought that he would be true to me, because HE wanted to be true. Boy, it just didn't happen that way. What in the heck was I thinking? I go around in circles with this sometimes because I still wonder what went wrong. He had a self-employed business which meant coming and going out for jobs at different times of the day. Geez, wasn't the man busy enough with all his jobs? Why did he have to "find" time for another woman in his life? Was she needy? She most likely was someone who needed a man, and since he was a handyman in his business, this probably fit her needs perfectly. Why did she have to choose him? More importantly, why did he even want her? I had needs at home too!

Why Does He Still Need Me?

He cheated on me, and that tells me that he wants to be with someone else. Either that, or he thought that he could have his cake and eat it too !! He is the one who went looking for "the other woman". He is the one who stepped outside our marriage and being with someone else. He ripped open my very soul, stepped on my heart and yet he wants to still be with me? How could he think that I would accept what he has done? He just wants me to forget about what he did and keep on going on like nothing ever took place, and not only that, it hasn't been a one-time thing, it had been on-going for years. Not only that, but he said that he still needs me. He wants me and I don't understand. Why would he be calling me, asking me to help him out with things he cannot do now that we have split up? Does he not understand that he has hurt me?

Why Can't I Shut Off My Thinking?

Here I am, working on a new year. I have my plans for working on a "new" me, but I still can't help it---my mind seems to be working overtime. How do you shut your mind off from thinking about all the bad things? I don't like dwelling on it, but it seems to enter my every-day way of life. I might be having a great day when something I see on TV reminds me of what he did to me. Not only did he cheat, he stripped away my trust. Trust is a very important issue in a relationship. How did I let him do that to me? I just want to start off a new year with good things, and here I am letting the old and past come in? How do we shut off thinking about what's happened to us? Perhaps by replacing the old memories with bad? Yes, that might work, but it's still in the back of my mind just setting there until something comes along to spark the memories. When will the pain go away?

I Can't Understand Why He Treated Me Like Nothing

One thing that I could not understand was that once he began his affair, he started treating me like I was nothing. I almost didn't exist in his eyes, except to cater to his every whim. There were times that he didn't show me ANY courtesy when coming home late by giving me a call. He went on about his business as though I wasn't even in the picture. That makes me wonder what he was actually thinking.......actually, he wasn't thinking at all, except about that "other woman". I am sure that when he was late going to see HER, that he called her and was courtesous about it. What makes him think that just because he had her, that he didn't owe me any respect at all? Why wasn't I important anymore? I had such a hard time trying to get past all of this. Not only did it hurt my feelings, but I started feeling like I was just becoming a "nobody".

Questioning our relationship

My real true love was slipping through my fingers. How could this have happened to me? I wanted "us". Why was this intruder known as "the other woman" coming into our lives? More importantly, why couldn't he have expressed what was wrong and come to me, instead of someone else? I would have at least known what was going on in his mind. I would have known what was wrong and tried to fix it, but I didn't even have a clue. This man was such a good man at heart. He helped others, he was courteous and kind, but he often became angry with me. Although he never raised his voice, he soon began saying "ugly" and "horrible" things. Why couldn't he have trusted enough in me, or in our relationship to turn to me and help ME? No, instead, he was "helping" the "other woman" because , well, I just really don't know, but perhaps he felt sorry for her. He should have felt sorry for me, for what he put me through. I so wished that things would have been different, and as hard as I tried, I just couldn't change anything. Don't you sometimes wonder why things happened the way they did?

Wondering about the cheating

I don't know why I spent so much time consumed in this. I was a good woman, and I catered to him like crazy. Nothing worked. Nothing I did was able to stop the cheating. I also wondered about the other woman. The first one I caught him with, well, actually, they were coming out of her apt. That didn't PROVE anything beyond the shadow of a doubt. But she was not what I would call a beauty. She was not skinny. So, what was it about her that made him want to be with her instead of me? Oh, I wanted to know the answers. I even asked him and all I got was pure denial of his infidelity. He was not guilty, so he said.

Why am I not good enough?

I wonder why I didn't see before that his coming in and out was suspicious? I never thought about that before. I felt that since he had his own business, there were going to be times in between jobs, and times he would be home in between and times that he wouldn't be home in between because he would really be booked up on jobs, or estimates for jobs. I could see that there were "privately marked calls" coming in on his phone, so why didn't I look at this as suspicious right from the beginning? Perhaps it's just that I didn't want to admit that there was anything wrong here. I knew that I had been a good partner. I cooked, I cleaned, washed clothing and gave him a life of a "king". So, if he has all of his needs met, why would he even need to have anyone else? Was something wrong with me? Was I not pretty enough to keep him happy? Didn't I cook good enough? Did I go around untidy? No, I didn't. Actually, I wore makeup every day. I took a bath every day and was decently dressed.. So, what was going wrong here? I began wondering what was happening to my world.

Searching for the answers

So how do you know what to do about those phone calls? One thing's for certain, if you call him on it, he's going to know you suspect something and he is going to become even more sneaky. If I had only waited until I had something more concrete, but then again, a privately marked call for me WAS something concrete. He was the kind of man, who at times could be very private. And I was the kind of person who just couldn't understand about a private call....yes, maybe one or two times perhaps, but not THIS many. I became so angry and confused over this that I just couldn't hold it any longer. After all, he had cheated before. So, was his past something that was an indicator of his future? I didn't want to believe so. And this time, something fishy was up, and it was something that I felt like I needed to find out, so I kept searching for answers. I have heard people say, that if you look for something, you are definetly going to find something, and that something isn't always good....but then again, what could I do? We got a divorce over his cheating, and here I was again, wondering if it was happening again.