After All This Time, My Ex Finally Took My Voice Off His Cell Phone

Well, it's been a very long many years now that I am no longer with my ex. I do not see him anywhere anymore, I do not have any contact with him unless it's about our daughter, and I don't even know what he looks like any longer. Not that I want to, but it's kind of strange not having to deal with him about our daughter's dr. visits, school or dentist, etc.  Our daughter is now a young lovely woman who has gotten married and has a child of her own. For as long as I can remember, my ex has had his answering machine on his cell phone with my voice on it, and refused to take it off after we split up. He didn't want anyone to know what happened with us or why I was no longer with him. He was ashamed of his infidelities and as well he should have been. I recently had to try and call him so that I could give him some information and was shocked to hear, that FINALLY, after all these years, he has replaced my voice recording with someone else's.  Some man's voice, but not his own. I am so glad that he is finally moving onto his future. He is still, by the way, with the OTHER WOMAN.  I hope that he's happy, because I am. It seems like such a lifetime ago. Isn't that how things go?

Good Traits In Seeking Your Soul Mate

What makes a good partner anyways? I know that everyone wants someone who is faithful. Many people want someone who is nice looking, but have you thought about what else is important? Have you found those good traits in your partner?  And have you kept up with those same traits for your own partner?  Here are some of the more important things I have discovered in having a great partner/husband or wife.

 1.Trustworthy----need to be able to trust

 2. respect-----someone to respect you as a person, your needs and your thoughts

 3. someone who is open and willing to talk/discuss important issues----without this, it's hard to work things out.

 4. no abusive behavior----no body want to go through any type of abuse, whether it be physical, verbal or mental.

 5. Ability to support one's self or self reliability----of course there has to be a way to pay the bills because we cannot live for free

 6. Ability to compromise----Everybody has ideas and thoughts and not everyone agrees on the same issues so you need someone who is willing to compromise with you, even if it's a willingness to agree to dis-agree. This is important for working on issues in a marriage or partnership.

 7. Good hygene-----this of course, goes without any explanation.

 8. Someone who is sympathetic to your needs and I don't mean sympathy for you, but willingness to have a heart and soul.

 9. a Loving heart and behavior

Are You Afraid Of Starting Over?

When you are going through the cheating of a partner it seems like the whole world stops, and you are left with trying to pick up the pieces of your life and figuring out  what to do next. I never thought that my crying would ever stop. I was hurt beyond imagine and my ego was stepped on horribly. My (now ex) husband didn't want me anymore, or wait a minute, yes, he wanted me but he wanted the other woman too, and I was no longer the love of his life. I was caught up with his denial of the other woman and I didn't know what to do about it, so I took a long look at my life, my past and my present. After all the crying was over, I got mad. I got very angry at what he had done to US ! and I wanted to figure out what to do about it. After much talk with friends, family, and a pastor who was able to look at things from the outside in( without being on one side or the other), I came to the conclusion that leaving was my best option. And not only that, but it was in the best interest of my children as well, as sad as that sounds. I WAS afraid to be out there alone.  I WAS afraid to start over. IT was hard, but I did it. I had to start out simple, clean, and one step at a time. I had to figure out where I was going to live, how I was going to pay for my expenses and how my children were going to deal with the consequences of my decision. I worried. I cried. I was in so much pain. I took that first step, and I am glad that I did!  Of course, leaving isn't the right decision for everyone. You have to think things through. I wanted to stay and work it out, but I had done that and it didn't work for us. Are you afraid of starting over?

Again, The Question Of Why Did He Cheat?

I am still stumped after all these years as to WHY this had to happen to me! I have been back over it again and again to try and figure out what went wrong. I am positive beyond a shadow of a doubt that I did everything in my power to try and please him. I tried getting him involved more in family things which was hard, but he was mostly just about working and doing as he pleased. He loved working out in our garage, tinkering with his tools and such after work, and that was okay for me. I do not feel that I ever nagged him about anything nor did I treat him horribly. It always seemed that he was the one who wanted to start arguing and wanting to cause a flair-up, and now looking back on things, it was only to make me upset and give him a chance to get out of the house. I now believe that he was doing this so he would be able to get out of the house and go see his other woman without me knowing anything. But honestly, why was this neccessary? Why, if everything seemed to be going well with our marriage, would he want to be with someone else? This STILL does not answer the age-old question of WHY !!!  After all this time of him and me being divorced, he is now with his other woman, and I hope that he is happy. I still wished I had the answers, then it might have made it a little more easier for me to work through. Does anybody ever really know why?

How Time Flies

It has been such a long time in writing, and I am sorry about not updating. There have been so many things happening in my life as of late and it has kept me very occupied. For one thing, I have gotten re-married. YES, it was hard to start over, especially after going through infidelity with my ex and learning that I CAN trust once again. But, it's a good thing, the starting over part, because now I can have love in my life. Many people start all over again before the infidelity is in their past, and I can actually say that I think that I remarried before I got over all of my past. Yes, I did, and now that I have admitted that, I will say that it was hard, because I was having to learn to trust someone again. I think that since my new hubby is a totally different kind of guy, it wasn't really too hard to trust again, but I had to get past my past and THAT was hard. Learning to love again is something that most all of us can accomplish, even after infidelity.

Learning After All These Years

As the days go by, weeks turn into months and next thing you know, it's been years since I had to go through the cheating heartbreak with my now-ex. To this day I have never gotten an answer as to why, so I have stopped looking for the answer. I feel like I wasted alot of time with that man. Why did I hang on so long? And why couldn't I have seen that he was no good for me once I caught him cheating? I honestly loved him and I believe that's why I held on so long. For a long time I truly believed that he was my everything. I felt like he was my soulmate, but I was wrong...and after all this time, I finally see that. Time is the key to many things, many thoughts and many feelings. I once thought that I would not be able to make it without him, but I proved myself wrong. I am so very happy now and I know that there is life AND love past the partner who cheated. I have also discovered that my now-ex hasn't changed....yes, he still cheats on his current girlfriend and he hasn't discovered what it is to be a good and loving father because our daughter is grown now and he still never calls. To sum it all up, there are some people out there who just will NOT cheat and then there are some who will, no matter how hard it hurts someone else.