Trusting After Infidelity
How does someone go about trying to trust in a new relationship after having gone through infidelity with their ex partner? Is it even possible? Well, in my opinion, yes, it IS possible....but first of all, you shouldn't even think about going into a new relationship until you have gone through the mourning of the one you just got out of. I know that's not always easy because many times our heart wants to love again because we all want to love someone and be loved. I think that going through infidelity with your ex is something that takes time for you to get over. A broken heart has to have time to mend. And after being drug through the mud, so to speak, you have to learn how to get back up and be yourself once again. Things like this take time, and as to how much time, that all depends on you. First of all, you must realize that YOU were not the one who cheated, and YOU did not cause your partner to cheat.....that was a decision that THEY made---not you. You cannot control what another person does....so remember that. Take time to do things for yourself. Take time for your heart to heal. There really is life on the other side of infidelity. And yes, it IS possible for you to learn to trust someone else again. All it takes is time.
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6 comments:
I definitely agree with this post, especially taking time to sort out your feelings and mourn your past relationship before even thinking about getting into a new, or even renewing that particular relationship. It is not easy to go through infidelity, and it is better to heal yourself by yourself first before jumping into another relationship.
I can't even imagine starting up with someone new. I think the poor guy would be doomed from the start! I am reconciling with my husband. At two years out, I know he's being faithful, but I don't think I'll ever have complete trust again. Sad....maybe I'm wrong though!
I do think it's possible for others. I guess I'm just not that evolved or something.
I took my frustrations out on several girls I dated after months of personal recovery from my girlfriends cheating. I immediately assumed they were cheating and anything that seemed out of the ordinary like a cancelled date or an odd phone call was veiwed with skepticism.
I have gone through the same hurt as many others have, but I'm still with her. I could never get the courage to actually tell her to leave, but now I'm getting closer after two years of trying. She will not come clean, nor will she talk to me about her affair. She only tells me to "take a pill", or "go to therapy". She wants me to "get over it", on her timeline, or she will just leave. And that is what I think is the best for us, just leave! Sadly, I've spent twenty seven years with this person, and now I am getting very close to fifty nine. There is not much time left for me to start over and moving on seems to shout out, YOUR GOING TO FIND YOURSELF ALONE.
My ex wife was engaged in a 3 year affair with her ex boyfriend. It started off when they reconnected on the internet, and it continued from there to real meet ups without my knowledge. The entire time I guess I knew something was going on, but denial can be powerful. Even though my current partner is sound and I trust them absolutely, I still expect betrayal. Time makes it easier though and I find the fear easing, but I still find myself bristling at times. I guess time heals all wounds?
After 12 years of marriage, my wife left me on June 2, 2010, for what I still feel was for selfish reasons. It was our only separation in those 12 years. We got back together 4 months later. During that LONG 4 months, my 10 year old son came to me to say that he walked in on my wife (36) in bed with a much younger man (24). Now, almost 2 years later and still together, not a day goes by that I think about it. I love my wife and want us to stay together forever, but there's no way to ever make anyone understand how you can hate someone almost as much as you love them. I've never cheated on her...EVER! Now, I go through my marriage trying to be the best husband I can be and secretly battling the trust issues and the inability to have sex without thinking about him and her all the time. I don't see ever getting past it. The worse part is that our anniversary is 9/26 (same date as my daughter's birthday). The day my son walked in on them was 9/23. It will never have the same value it once did.
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