Infidelity Stinks

What Is It That I Am Looking For ?

2012-01-31T20:34:00.000-06:00

Someone, and a very smart someone, I might add, asked me one time "what is it that you are looking for?" I was going through infidelity and heartache with my ex at the time. I was hurting so much and didn't really think too much about the question until one day after I got tired of crying my eyes out every day, tired of wondering if he was going to cheat again, and sick of spending every waking moment worrying about if he was with HER or not, that I began to wonder if I could actually answer that question. What was it that I wanted ? What did I want for my future? And finally, did I WANT to be stuck in that situation forever? No, I wanted answers, but I wasn't getting any. My ex did NOT want to talk about it, nor did he want to answer my questions about it. My ex wanted me to forget about what he had done to me and our family and just "move on". I started wondering if things would EVER change. After wasting many years of my time, the hopes and dreams of our family coming together once again just wasn't happening. My ex wanted ME to work on our marriage, but he didn't want to contribute to helping me, or us. I then began to ask myself that question...what was I looking for? And I discovered the answer.....I wanted peace...I wanted a partner who would want ME and only me. I wanted fidelity. I wanted honesty, and I wanted to not have to worry over what my future would be. It wasn't until I was able to discover for myself what I wanted, that I was able to start the process of moving on with my life, and with my future. I found that I was growing tired of the time things were taking with only me working on the marriage. It wasn't fair, and he wasn't being fair. I wanted a normal life and I wasn't getting anywhere stuck in the situation with my ex. I had to find my answers, and then I had to figure out what I was going to do to find my peace. Do you know what you want in your future? Do you know what you are looking for?

Looking Back At Infidelity

2012-01-24T07:14:00.000-06:00

I look back at the hard times that I went through infidelity with my now ex. Times were hard. We were both working and the kids were young. Today I breathe a sigh of relief that the pain and suffering of his cheating is behind me. I will never forget what he did to me, to our family, and to my self esteem....however, I can honestly say that I walked a very long way to get to where I am today. I learned that I do not have to put up with that ever again. I am much more cautious than I used to be. I know WHO I am today and no longer suffer with low self esteem. I no longer have to hear him put me down, say ugly things to me or my friends, and I no longer need to feel unloved. Today, I love MYSELF for who I am, feel stronger for what I have been through, and thank GOD that I have family and friends who love me. Living a life through infidelity has got to be one of the hardest things to have to go through. But you DON'T have to feel as though your partner doesn't love you anymore. You need to sit down and decide if you want to start off new, which means starting all over again....hard but you CAN do it, or....you can work things out with your partner/spouse ...but this means BOTH of you working on it, not just YOU alone. Partnership if for two people..not one alone, or three. But most of all, you must take time in thinking things through before you make any decision.

Chocolate And Infidelity

2012-01-18T07:12:00.000-06:00

Sometimes in the middle of dealing with infidelity, we MUST stop and take a little bit of time out for ourselves. There became a time when I was just so tired of dealing with the pain that I didn't think I would ever come out of it all....but I did.
How does one come out from such hurt and heartache? It's hard, and it certainly takes time for our heart to mend. Having someone to talk with about what your'e going through also helps tremendously. Doing something for yourself, starting up a new hobby helps too, oh, and chocolate !!! Chocolate can most certainly help in your moment of grief, if just for a few moments. I don't know what it is about that sweet, savory taste, but I have had my moments.
Time, time time ! That is what it takes to get you through this pain. But most of all, remember that you don't have to make a decision overnight. Take the time to think things out.

Divorce Law

2012-01-09T12:13:00.000-06:00

Sometimes we hang on, and in my case, I hung on way too long. Sometimes things are able to be worked out, and that's great as well. I know what it feels like to keep trying, and trying, but am the only one to be working on my marriage, and it really hurts when your other half just doesn't seem to care. One thing that I don't like, but something that we have to face, is if it doesn't work out. In that case, you must start thinking about divorce law. Not just for a divorce, but there's also times when we must think just about the legalities in separation. There are things like house, property and even the children to worry about. There's nothing pretty about it.
When finding a lawyer, you must actually find someone who is willing to work for you. Someone sympathetic to your needs and someone who will get the job done, no matter if it's a divorce, separation, or even some other sort of family law need.
Divorce lawyer Barrie is a website that can help you sort through things, especially important things when it comes to needing a lawyer. Check out the link and see if they might be able to help you through some of your needs, whether it be just advice or an actual divorce or separation agreement.
I pray that those of you who feel like they can work out their problems of infidelity with their spouse will be able to do so, but if not, you need to have other options open. Take care of yourself, and take your time with your decision.

Somehow, Things Really DO Get Better

2012-01-05T21:05:00.000-06:00

During the Christmas holidays, our daughter came home from her Navy base and after she had been home for awhile, he finally called her. He wanted to see her, but he actually didn't call to see her until the evening before she was leaving. She had been home for nearly 2 weeks and he waited until it was almost time for her to go back. He happened to be going to a job and wanted to stop and see her right then and there and we were out in public so he wanted to come to where we were, so we waited for him. He came, got out of his vehicle and gave her a big hug. He had the same car, the same little trailer that he pulls behind it, and the same bushy, unruley hair that he had always had. He looked so much older than the last time that I had seen him. He told me Happy New Year and I told him back, but we didn't talk much because I wanted to let our daughter have what little time with him that he was going to give her. He wanted a hug from me. I certainly didn't want that, but since our daughter was there, I let him give me a small hug for the holidays. Funny thing was, I no longer felt the love that I had once had for him. Maybe I just didn't allow myself to feel anything, but when I left him with her in the parking lot, I didn't look back. I felt like so much time has passed....and I was finally feeling like things really have gotten better for me. Yes, he was the man that I was so passionately in love with for all those years, and yes, he is the father of my youngest daughter....and yes, he was the man that treated me so horribly when he started seeing the other woman. I spent so much time on this man, and so many years of my life, but somehow, things just seemed to have gotten so much better for me. I didn't cry, I didn't dwell on how I had been hurt, and I felt very happy that things have been over for me and him for quite awhile now. When you sometimes feel that you will NEVER get over him/her that has hurt you so much, just remember that things take time. A long time, in my case. I feel as though he can no longer hurt me anymore...what a great feeling !

Another Christmas, Another Year Of Getting Past Infidelity

2011-12-14T17:43:00.000-06:00

Here I am, another year of being without my ex.....which means another holiday NOT having to worry about whether he is with his other woman or where he is. Christmas is and has always been a very special holiday for me. I love the traditions and the feel in the air of everyone being nice to each other, doing good deeds for those who are less fortunate and the joy of having family together....it's always been very important to me. When I was with my ex, he didn't seem to want to spend time with family, at least not during the many years that he was cheating on me. He always had other things to do, and of course, I didn't know it at the time, but he was busy with his other women...yes, there were more than one. How did he keep up with more than one, and a wife? Who knows. But this year, he is spending time with one of his other women because he is now moved in with her. I hope that he is happy, because I AM ! I no longer have to worry about sharing him with another woman. I no longer have to be sad that he has other things to do when I am wanting to do family things during the holidays. I no longer have to wonder how much he spent on "her"..... I am very lucky to have found myself again and can actually spend this Christmas with MY family and enjoy every minute of it.

Having Good Credit

2011-12-08T20:42:00.002-06:00

One thing for certain, if you are thinking about getting out of a relationship due to your partner's infidelity, is that you have good credit. Having good credit is something that is a must in today's world. I knew when I left, that my credit needed to be in good shape, so I checked out my credit report, just to be sure. My ex-husband's credit was not in as good a shape as mine was, but he was working on trying to get it in better standing. When I checked my report, I found a few things that I didn't know was there, but after being able to see what was in there, I was able to call and get a few things taken care of.
Did you know that there are actually 3 different credit ratings that creditors check to see what your rating is when you apply for credit, like, for instance to buy a car? At first, I thought there was only one, but found out differently. You are also able to get those credit reports for free, one time a year. Getting your free credit score is pretty easy, actually. It is in your best interest to know what's on your score. Being able to dispute something that's wrong or correct an address or name spelling is pretty easy to do, but you have to have the report first. Take care of your credit also means taking care of you and your future.

Holidays And Living With Infidelity

2011-12-08T18:52:00.000-06:00

How does a person who's going through infidelity and all it's pain get through the holidays? I know how hard it is because I have been there. For the many years that I went through holidays, pretending to be happy when I knew things weren't good. I had children so I had to make the best of everything but my last holiday with my ex was when I started to finally see that he wasn't trying to make things work. He wanted me to sweep it all under the rug and just get over it...Nevermind that my feelings were hurt. I decided that I didn't want to be miserable any longer. I did what was best at that time, and I played nice....however, once the holidays were done, and I saw no improvement from him, I knew that I was the only one trying to work the relationship out and after much thought and talking to a friend of mine, who just so happened to be a pastor, I felt it was time for me to move on....and as much as I didn't want to leave my comfort zone, I did just that....after the holidays were over. I found myself finally able to face the fact that nothing was changing and they weren't going to. Years and years of having to deal with his infidelity, his harsh words towards me, his treating me like I was a nobody was going to come to an end. I got brave enough to walk out.....of course, I was working and able to stand on my own....I knew it was the right thing to do at the time. For anyone who's wondering what to do about infidelity, you must first look inside yourself and decide if you are willing to try again, or if you are just tired of it and ready to start on your own...no one can tell you when that time is, or if it's the right thing to do.....you are the only one who can make that decision. I tried for years to make things better and they just never got any better. Once the holidays were over, I made that decision. Think carefully before you make a decision. If you have to sit on your decision for a short while, then do so. Just take your time deciding because it's you that has to live with what decision you've made.

My Past Feelings Of Infidelity

2011-10-17T06:08:00.000-05:00

Although much time has passed, I feel as though it's been a true lifetime that I was in this relationship. Gone is my life that was full of stress. I still remember the days when he came home from work, and me quickly going through his phone and writing down numbers and listening to the other women's messages while he was in the shower....and always being in a hurry before he found out. What a horrible time in life that was for me ! I am not the kind of woman who believes that a woman should just go and check her hubby's phone just for the fun of it.... but in my case, there was way too much evidence of his infidelity, and he was telling me that it was all in my head. I felt like I had to defend what I was hearing. I mean, even when the other woman wrote him a love letter, it was proof right in my hand, but he firmly denied it all.
Thinking that you have to prove your point is honestly a very bad place to be in...and I know, first hand, what that all felt like. Some people believe that once you have a small amount of evidence, that that's enough to break apart your marriage, but me, being a firm believer in marriage and true partnership and the fidelity of vows, I felt like I had to have more proof at that time...would I do it all over again? Well, I probably would have, if it was me having to deal with the same man and his sneakiness. My ex made me feel as though I was losing my mind...and he was good at playing mind games. Having the strength to make my decision to just walk out was one of the hardest things in life I have ever had to do, but today....I am so happy that I finally decided to stand up for myself.
Today my self esteem is back to normal and I feel like a new woman. Never again, will I allow a man to tear me down to the point that I was back then. It took time....too much time, I feel, but it was all worth it.

Time Lessens The Pain

2011-10-11T22:26:00.000-05:00

It has been a little while since I wrote in my blog, not because I haven't wanted to, but it seems that life just finds so much for me to do these days. I am not abandoning my blog, but trying to rebuild my life, and all is well. I never ever would have thought that while going through the pain of infidelity, that one day I would feel less pain than I did during those horrible years in my life, but honestly, time really does lessen the pain. I haven't forgotten about what he put me through, nor do I ever think I will forget about it, but during the time you are experiencing the hurt inside your very heart and soul, you cry and wonder "why" and you have that nagging question of why did it have to happen to you...why didn't he/she love you enough to stay true to you. I have never found the answer to that question. Maybe some people truly do find the answers, but I never did. However, after all the time of crying, questions and wondering if I will ever get over it, I finally started by putting one foot in front of the other....and that takes time. It takes willpower too. It took me so much time that I began each day with something new. Making a new day for me...a new week, a new month and a new year. With each little step I took, I found myself replacing new habits and likes for old habits and such. I replaced some of those bad days with new memories, new thoughts and new surroundings. Time has not healed my memories, but time has rebuilt my thoughts and dreams....Life really does and CAN get better, one day at a time. Slowly but surely.

A Time Of Happiness, Yet Sad

2011-09-13T09:27:00.000-05:00

Today I am feeling quite melancholy. I don't think that I have felt this down in a while, and it's not about infidelity this time around.... while I have been working hard at getting my life back, settling into a nice comfortable spot without my ex, learning that life can REALLY be great, I am facing the fact that our little girl is now a bonified adult....she is now 18. The child support stopped and her waiting by the window watching for her daddy to come visit is also gone. She is a beautiful self-sufficient young lady, confident and loving, fiesty and sweet. I have taught her how to do her banking, savings, washing her own laundry, cooking and how to put God first in her life. I have also shown her how to be able to live life happily, with or without a man to support her. I am a very proud mother, but time seems to have a way of speeding itself up quickly as she got older. Our beautiful daughter will be going off to boot camp in 6 more days. Yes, she joined the Navy. She will study to be a hospital corpsman ( like a Dr or nurse) and I am happy for her. For all the times that I worried about my ex not showing up for visits, for all the times I worried about him making a bad impression on our family by tearing it apart, I sit here today, confident in the fact that she is a strong young woman, and will be able to find a young man who will treat her good in life, when it comes that time. I know this is an exciting time in her life, but I know my heart will ache when she walks out the door. I wished I knew how my ex was feeling about this, but we rarely see him anymore....is it sight out of mind ? Perhaps he's moved on for good, and that's a good thing. I am happy today that I no longer have to deal with his infidelity, but sad that our family had to break apart because of it. For those of you who are diligently trying to work out your marriage, know that it IS possible but it takes time, and lots of it.

Protecting Your Credit From Fraudulent Use

2011-09-02T18:51:00.000-05:00

I just wonder sometimes if I didn't have any close friends or family to help me with financial questions and such after the split up....what would I have done? One very important thing is to maintain good credit ratings. Not only does that mean starting up new credit, and maintaining your old credit but making sure it stays in good standing. I am talking about identity theft protection as well. I know, in my situation, I had some of my ex's credit on my own report when my name wasn't even on his card. I had to keep up with it. It was not easy getting it all straightened out, but I finally did. Identity Hawk is a website that can help those who are needing help with credit, as far as showing where you might have some risk to your identity and can show you how to strenghten areas so that you don't have anyone else trying to use your name or credit.

My Ex Came Over......

2011-08-25T06:19:00.000-05:00

Wow...what a shock to my life...he actually came over to the house. This man has never had much time for anybody else except himself and his other woman, but he managed to come over yesterday. He came for a very good reason....to see our daughter. Her 18th birthday passed about 10 days ago and he was finally coming to see her. He was amazed at the beautiful woman that she had become and she was VERY happy to see him. They talked outside and I took a couple of pics for her so she could add to her picture book. He knows that she will be leaving to the Navy in less than a month now and to be honest, although he still has time to come back and see her, he probably won't. He gave her some advice, that I had to translate for her, but it was to" have courage", and to" work really hard at doing her best". I cried when I went in the house because I didn't want him, nor her to see my tears, but reality just blasted me in my face, screaming out how much I wished that he would have worked really hard for our marriage, or at being a better father than he was. All in all, I was happy that he came to visit her...it meant alot to her, and to me. I am also VERY happy that I am NO longer in a relationship with this man.....it gave me an open-eyed view of the woman I am today and how far I have come in this journey.

Our Daughter Is Now A Grown Woman

2011-08-18T16:55:00.000-05:00

Our darling daughter became an adult this week...and I am so very proud of her. This young lady has really come along way....from the shy, quiet little girl who loved her daddy so much, to a beautiful young woman who is not only confident and outspoken, but certainly not shy anymore. And yes, she still loves her daddy, but she has had to find out what kind of man he really is, and it was a learning experience that only he could teach her. I have never said a foul word about him, not only because I loved him so much, but because she had to find out who he was for herself. She has come to the conclusion that he is her father, no matter what, but that he just isn't involved in her life like me or the other members of our family are. She is a very mature person and is very balanced. I have talked to her about seeing both sides of a person, men included. She has grown into such a beautiful person, and I am proud. I only wished that he would have wanted to be more involved in her growing up than he did. What happens to some parents when they divorce? Do they not want to be involved in their children? I wonder if he regrets his actions at all. Or ....maybe, he is still so involved with his other woman, that he hasn't thought about it at all.

Can You Be Happy Being Single?

2011-08-01T06:06:00.000-05:00

Can someone who's been in a relationship a long time actually be happy single? Being in a committed relationship, or married gives you a secure feeling that you are not in this world alone. You have someone to talk to at home, someone to share the covers with, dinner partner and and all around companion. It's a good feeling, and for me, it was a GREAT feeling. I grew up watching my parents be together, but my father was always out and about because he was a sports person and spent most of his off-work hours with his buddies playing softball, basketball, or bowling. Mom always seemed to be alone, except for toting us kids around....and they eventually divorced because she felt alone most of the time. But back to the question at hand...and I think that YES ! you can certainly be happy being single. Being single just gives you more power in being able to choose your options. You don't have to share the covers, watch a tv show that you don't like, and you can choose to do whatever you wish, and most of the time, whenever you like too. I have found that while being single, I learned how to better stand on my own two feet about some things in life, made my own decisions and grew up a little more. Being single can also lead you to seek out new friends to go shopping with, movies, and dining out. But for how long does one stay single? That's another question entirely.

How Long Does It Take To Move On After Infidelity?

2011-07-22T22:33:00.000-05:00

How long does it take someone to actually move on after the break up of a relationship or marriage due to infidelity? I have seen it in my different timings....in my own, it seemed like it took forever. I just had a very hard time getting myself to open myself up to anyone else. I had to learn to get over my ex, before I could move on. I have also known people who go out with other people JUST to get over the past....not me. For me, it was YEARS. Why did it take so long? Was I thinking at all? Maybe I just wanted to leave an open space of time to be able to ponder on what had happened to me. Actually, I was still wanting answers....you know, the" how come he did this to me?", and the " why did he cheat on me if he says he really loves me?" and the famous.."oh, you just THOUGHT I did something but I didn't"....no, I didn't get any of those answers and to this day, I know I never will. But it did take me a very long time to be able to get him out of my system. After all, he broke apart our family, our home, and my heart. So, if you are going through infidelity with your other half, don't expect to get all the answers you are looking for, and don't keep waiting for the answers. Moving on is something that we all do differently. It takes time...it takes crying, getting mad, and then just finding something better in life. Don't be too hard on yourself. Be patient.

Learning To Love Life After Going Through Infidelity

2011-07-15T21:54:00.000-05:00

I feel as though my life has come around in a circle. When my ex and I first got together, we were so very happy. I thought that there was no other feeling of joy like it. What went wrong? Why don't marriages now-a-days seem to last? And if they do, what are the secrets to making it last? Looking back on my past with him has led me to believe that for some reason, I learned a whole lot from this experience....and yes, I did have to get my heart stomped on and torn apart to learn. Why is that? Aren't we supposed to find a partner, lover, friend, and be with that one person for the rest of our lives? What is changing that in today's world? I know, so many questions, and not too many answers. Did I have to go through the pain and suffering of my husband's infidelity to find out that sometimes you don't always find the right partner the first time? Who knows, but all I know is that I am happy once again. Life is NOT about someone else making you happy...it's about finding things to make yourself happy in this life. You've only got one life, and you must make the most of it. It's not a good thing if you are unhappy all the time. What makes you happy? For me, just living life to the fullest, seeing my children and grandchildren, having my pets, and finding out that you can't always have what you want, only what you need. Love is grand, and so is life.

Learning How To Walk Through Infidelity

2011-07-05T23:25:00.000-05:00

After having gone through such heartache from my ex, I think that alot of how you get through it is by how you deal with the hurt from it. Do you dwell upon your partner's infidelity to the point that it drains you? I can honestly say, I did ! I carried such emotional turmoil with me for such a very long time and now, looking back, I wished that I had been able to get through it more quickly than I did. I believe that timetables for what you get through is different for each of us. I think that I stayed in disbelief for a long time that it made my healing time much longer. After all, I never expected this from my ex. I never saw it coming. I was totally invested in that man, and boy! did he let me down! How do you deal with the pain of infidelity? And if you go through it once with your partner, could you go through it again, and again? My heart was so in love, that I didn't want to face the reality of what he had done to "us". I know that it's never easy to stop thinking about it once it's done, but at some point, you learn to put other things in the place of that hurt. Time has done wonders to heal my soul. I think that I cried more than my fair share and it didn't bring him back to me. Once I figured out that there really WAS life on the other side of my heartache, my tears started drying up. I had to learn how to live without him. I had to learn how to do things on my own. It was hard, but I did it, and I thank my family and friends who helped me to cope through it all. My poor mother (may she now rest in peace) was my rock. She always had a listening ear. She talked me through so much pain. Learning how to be strong was NOT easy. I did it, and so can you! Time lessens the pain. I had to cry all those tears, though, to be able to make it through to the next round. Baby steps, one at a time, was my way of walking through the heartache. Learning that I WAS strong enough to do it was hard, but oh so very true! Believing in yourself, I think, is probably the first step. Take each day, one day at a time.

Looking On The Other Side Of Infidelity And Heartache

2011-06-25T14:21:00.000-05:00

Did you ever wonder, while you were going through the pain and heartache of infidelity with your partner, that you would ever come back on top of things? I did, and for a very, very long time, I didn't know if I would ever get over him.....no matter that he hurt me, cheated on me, lied to me and tore our family apart, there were STILL times that I loved him. I married him with the mindset of "forever". But what is forever, if the love of your life doesn't treat you the way that they should? How could he have actually loved me and cheat on me? That was one of my biggest questions of all times, along with "why?"...and guess what? Neither question got answered. I always got the "I don't know" answer. Honestly, I spent WAY too much time trying to make things go the right way, and without his help, it just never got better. I grew so tired of worrying about where he was, who he was with, and what was going on behind my back. Did I ever just wonder if there was life on the other side of it? Well, not at that point, I couldn't see anything else but my heartache and pain. I am here to tell you, that you have to love yourself enough to see that if your partner is NOT willing to work on the relationship with you, then you need to let it go. Two people have to work at it for it to actually work. And in the situation I was in, I was the only one willing to do the work. Didn't work. Now, after all these years, I can finally see that life really WAS on the other side of infidelity. Not everyone cheats. Believe it or not, and there are some good ones out there. But it takes time.

On Again....Off Again, That Darned Ex Of Mine!

2011-06-20T08:56:00.000-05:00

After feeling like something wonderful has been accomplished (him showing up to our daughter's graduation), our daughter started feeling like her dad was showing some interest in her life. Father's Day was yesterday, and I happened to mention to her about calling him to let him know that we had pictures to give him. She did, but I guess he's back to his old ways again....he didn't even answer his phone. He doesn't work on Sundays, and he always leaves his phone on, and basically, with him at all times...so why didn't he answer? My guess is that he was with his other woman, too busy with whatever, that he just didn't answer. I think at this point, I just want to throw my hands up in the air and give up. I do not feel that I should call and ask him why, nor should I call him today to see what's up. Perhaps this is just one of those times that we need to leave things as they are, and accept that he does what he wants to and when...guess it was good while it lasted...right?

Peace --Finally And Our Daughter's Graduation

2011-06-16T06:42:00.000-05:00

I don't know why, but it just seems that alot of things have changed since the last time my ex and I broke up. Time really does heal the heart, for the most part, and there are still those certain things that I will never forget but my life is really happy now. He came to our daughter's graduation with his other woman. I did NOT feel any ill towards her or him because I was so happy that he decided to show up for her. This was something that our daughter really wanted---for him to take time out of his "always too busy" schedule and come see her walk during graduation, a very important moment in her life. To my amazement, I spoke with him just yesterday because now he's wanting pictures, which we can certainly give him, and he is also caught up with his child support. Wow, things have changed so much. Although I love the man from my past, my ex, my daughter's father, I am at peace that he is with his other woman, and I am happy with my life the way it is. Does it go entirely away (that hurt in your heart from the cheating) ? No, I think if I were to dwell on it, I would feel it more, but at this time, it's so much less. It doesn't seem to matter that much anymore and I think that's due to time. I am happy, and that is what matters.

My Ex Actually Showed Up To Our Daughter's Graduation Ceremony!

2011-06-07T09:20:00.001-05:00

It was graduation night for my daughter, and my ex had called earlier in the day to find out where the ceremony was going to be held...wait, did this mean he would ACTUALLY show up? When I told him that it was going to be outside in the football field, he started making excuses about how it would just be way to hot for him. Lo, and behold, he showed up...he and his other woman that he had cheated on me with all those years ago. Guess they are still together. He came late, stood out in front of everyone, FINALLY got her attention....and she was happy! I wanted to cry tears of joy because he decided to come, but held the tears back. My other grown children and families were all with me and they motioned for him to come sit with us, but his other woman didn't want to. My oldest daughter went down to see him so that she could get his picture for our daughter, and he gave her a gift to give her. He was leaving before it finished because the other woman wanted to go home, as it was getting late. When I took a good look at him, I saw that same ole man that I used to be with, only his hair was all grey. Same bushy hair, and mustache. He was dressed nice, as always. She was nothing spectacular to look at, nor was she pretty by any means.....but HE CAME ! I consider that a miracle, and most importantly, it made my daughter feel special!

Emotional Cheating? Is It Cheating?

2011-05-22T16:49:00.001-05:00

I have been asked if I feel as though emotional cheating is cheating on one's other half.....in my opinion--YES. Not only does it take away what you should be getting from your spouse, but it makes the other person feel the withdrawl...at least most of the time. In my situation, my spouse did not like to talk about things...we just kind of communicated daily without too much of that "bearing our inner soul" all the time, although, we DID discuss things from time to time, we had been together for a long time and at least I thought we knew each other pretty well. I was wrong, because I began needing some of that sharing of souls through words and missed having it very much, but I never ever cheated. I spoke to my women friends to get feedback from things, but never went to other men about things because I didn't want to get caught up in the emotional side of things.I feel as though ONE of his other women was someone who he felt he could communicate with because she spoke his language very well, and understood his customs better than I did. However, the other OTHER WOMAN did not, but she was "needy" so I am wondering if he got his needs met through both of them because I was a pretty darned independent woman...and they were not. I feel that if there is a problem in a marriage/relationship, that the couple should speak to each other about it before discussing it with others....that at least gives the two people involved a chance to try and work things out...unless, of course, it's a marriage counselor or pastor that is able to help sort out things without getting in the middle of things. Emotional cheating can really hurt both people involved, so before looking to another person of the opposite sex for what you need emotionally, try talking with your partner. It might help to save it.

The Agony Of Breaking Apart

2011-05-16T06:20:00.000-05:00

Oh ! the agony of people splitting up, jealousy and rage! Someone close to me, which has to remain nameless, is going through all of this agony. He and his wife were only together for three years. Things were fine, up until the time that she decided to start snooping into his past. Why? Why all of a sudden, does the past make a difference? To me, the past is gone. There was nothing for her to find. He had already told her of his past. She accepted him and married him. So, why did the legal paperwork make a difference? Why would anyone feel the need to snoop just for the sake of snooping? At some point, did she NOT feel secure? As sad as this all is, I happen to know both parties involved very well. He gave her NO reason to snoop. He felt violated, but got past it, until it happened over and over again, and not only that, she started fighting with him over things long gone. They eventually broke up because she was so jealous over his past, that she couldn't stop arguing over things. Why the mistrust? Again, a mystery. They had spent nearly 24/7 together because he worked from home and she didn't work at all...I mean, she didn't even keep her house up. He did it all, supported her and what became of this? Maybe they should have spent more time together before getting married? Who knows, but it seems to be happening all the time these days...you hear it on the radio, you see it reported on the news...people breaking apart. What happened to the good ole days of staying together? All I can say, is thank goodness there were no kids in the marriage.

Why Did I Snoop Into His Personal Things?

2011-05-03T08:25:00.000-05:00

Long ago are the days that I felt like I had to snoop around in his cell phone....as well as some other things I am not so proud of; such as following him in my car to see if he was really going where he said he was, looking in his work van for any and all hidden money, perfume and things I shouldn't have seen, listening to his saved messages and things of that nature. Should you snoop....or shouldn't you? Huh, a million dollar question. Well, honestly, to be quite frank, there are MANY who say that you should not do this because if you go looking for something, you just might find it, and you will not always like it. In my case, I am glad that I did. I am not proud of it, because he should have had my respect, but on the other hand, his actions were changing, and if I had not of snooped, I might have not found out that he was giving his OW's money...money that was supposed to be ours. I was the one who helped him open his self employed business and I took care of most of the business calls, so the OW's should NOT have been leaving him messages that I could have heard in the first place. Nor should they have been sending love letters to our home when I was the one getting the mail. Those were big signs for me but at that time, I didn't want to SEE them. I didn't want to believe what I was seeing. And so I snooped. Let me tell you though, it was hard....long, time consuming and downright EXHAUSTING. And the closer I got to seeking the truth, the more secretive he became. Did I want to believe he was cheating? Heck no! I almost wanted to actually catch him WITH her before I would have believed it. Maybe that's why I snooped...but most honestly, if you decide to snoop, you might find something out that you don't want to...and that's the truth. Thank goodness those days are over with....so is it really worth snooping?

Finding Happiness

2011-04-19T09:16:00.000-05:00

Today I am in a pretty good mood and thought that I would reflect on what's going on in my life. I am very happy with how things are at this time. I have a beautiful daughter who's getting ready to graduate from high school, I have a great sister who listens when I need her to, I have friends who help me to cope with all my past stuff and I have a good future ahead of me. I don't think that I would have gotten to this point if I didn't have some sort of support. At times, when you are facing that challege of going through divorce or infidelity by your spouse/significant other, you may feel like you have no support, or that no one else is there to support you. And to be honest, the ins and outs of daily life still continue and it's hard to get through it all.....so, if you don't have a close friend or family member who is there for you, then perhaps you need to seek out someone who will listen. Meeting new people and finding new hobbies also helps. You can find a support group online, a pastor or some sort of therapy group who may be able to help you sort things out, but first and foremost, YOU are the only one who can make the decision of what you need to do next. Nobody else can decide this for you. You need to be comfortable in what you decide and what's best for you and your children, if you have any. Being happy is very important....life is so short and you have to find a way to release your inner thoughts and get help. Is there life after infidelity? DEFINITLY SO !!!

Our Daughter's Going To Graduate? Will He Show Up?

2011-04-14T17:52:00.000-05:00

Now it's winding down close in time for our daughter to graduate from high school....she even got the invitations in a few days ago. While we were going through the list of who are going to get the invitations, of course, she wanted to give one to her dad. I am honestly ALL for it ! The only problem is...will he even come? When it came time for her quinceanera several years ago, he didn't even show up. I wonder if he is going to pull the same trick again. I certainly hope that by this time, he will go, even if it's just to show up in time for her name to be called. This will be the last time that she will invite him to a function before she turns from her to adulthood. I want to call him and discuss this with him, in the hopes that he will come see her, but I am wondering if I should or not??? What would you do?

And He Decides To Call Me NOW !!!

2011-03-30T15:08:00.000-05:00

And here I sit, after my series of how to get over the agony of infidelity, and guess who calls me? Yes, it was the ex-husband, right out of the blue. I know that he doesn't have a clue about my blog, as he doesn't even know how to operate a computer, and I have never given his name.....he just called to tell me that he wanted to hear my voice because he hadn't heard from me in a while.....WHAT? What is he thinking? After all this time, he decides to call just to hear the sound of my voice? Maybe he's thinking that if he's nice to me, that I will return, but it's been WAY TOO LONG. There's no way that I can ever turn around. Life for me is good. I am a very strong person now and I am very happy with my life. I'm sure that he's still with his other woman, and he probably called me while she wasn't around, but it just doesn't work for me. He even asked about our daughter. Wow...wonders never cease, do they? And just to think, after all he has put me through, I didn't even cry. YAY!

Becoming A Stronger Person After Infidelity.

2011-03-28T06:46:00.000-05:00

After all the things that I went through and suffered with that man, I became a stronger woman. I had to learn to love myself again. I had to begin a healing process that I never thought I would journey into. I had to learn that he was all talk and no action. He wanted me to be there as a convenience to him. It was all about HIM, and I had to learn that. I didn't want to believe it, but his actions spoke out loud. I never got any answers about why. I never got to find out even why we broke apart. But I can tell you, that she was not any prettier than me, she wasn't any smarter.....she didn't drive and she was more needy. Something in her, attracted him and he was unable to let go. Perhaps he felt that he could talk to her more than me....but it doesn't even matter anymore. There has to be a time when you just have to stop asking why. It's not easy, but at some point in your life, you can become a stronger person and move on past infidelity. Learn to do things for yourself. Go to college, learn a new sport, lose weight, change your hair style or color, make new friends, but do it for you. Making yourself a stronger person not only gives you a new life, but will make it easier finding a new partner or spouse that will treat you the way that you want to be treated....unless you never want to get remarried, which is fine. Becoming a more person that can take on challenges in life will make you someone who will never be willing to go through infidelity again. I know that, because I have become a very independent woman. Very happy today, by the way. It took YEARS, but I made it through.

How I Got Over The Agony Of Infidelity.....part 5

2011-03-26T06:27:00.000-05:00

Things in my life were crummy, and I didn't feel good most of the time, but I felt like I had to do something to change things..and he wasn't helping any. He would go through periods of time where he would be gone alot, to staying at home. I think he was trying to work against my mind, curious as to what I was going to do about the whole thing, and I just kept on doing what I had to do to get through the entire mess. As I found a support, I began to feel stronger. I felt more in control of my situation. And at some point after trying to make things right, i finally figured out that his games were never going to end. And by the way, this was our second round of infidelity. I was tired of trying. I had to find a way to live my life without all his drama. I never thought that I would of walked out, but after much consideration, and knowing at that point, that things were not ever going to be back the way they should have been, I moved out. At that time, I had 2 children, a self-employed business, and it was hard....very hard. I got to learn how to do things alone. I learned how to survive. Believe me when I say that it's not easy. But at the same time, I felt peace. My inner being was finally at rest. I missed him but I had to go on with life. Nothing in life is easy...but going through infidelity with someone who doesn't want to change is even harder. This process took me YEARS, not months, so if your'e ever wondering if you will ever get through it, the answer is YES. You can do this. Some of us decide to work through infidelity with our partners....and it's a good thing if both parties are willing to do the work. However, if you are the only one interested in making things work, most likely they won't. Think about what your future holds for you. Think about what you want in this life, because life is too short to be unhappy all the time. Be true to yourself and what you believe in. All things are possible but take the time to think things through, because you never know what tomorrow will bring. I wish everyone the best and I hope and pray that you don't suffer through YEARS of this like I did.

How I Got Over The Agony Of Infideltity.........part 4

2011-03-24T06:18:00.000-05:00

I had to accept the truth....and that was, that my husband was a cheater. No longer was he considered "mine". Terribly hard to accept, but I had to find a way to get through his infidelity. I started talking to a long time family friend of my parents, who just so happened to be a pastor in a small church. He listened to what I had to say. He asked me a question...." Is this what you want in your life?" and so I began to think about it. Maybe I was feeling so down on myself that I was willing to accept what my husband was doing and I knew it was wrong and I knew that I no longer wanted to deal with what he was putting me through. The question of what did I want in my future came up as well. Did I deserve to be treated this way? I didn't think so, but what was I going to do about it? I got online, found some resources from others who had been going through infidelity. I saw that I wasn't the only one going through this horrible mess. I no longer felt alone. Friends and family are good to talk to...they can only ease your burden by listening but you are the one who has to make that final decision. My husband was NOT willing to make things right. His words were there, but the actions were not. The pain I was going through was still very strong, but I decided that it was time that I stood up and did something about it. No longer did I wish to be walked upon. I started finding ways to make ME feel better. I started losing weight, I put more attention to my work, my home and family. I gave him less attention until I could figure out what I was going to do next.......................to be continued.

How I Got Over The Agony Of Infidelity......Part 3

2011-03-22T06:07:00.000-05:00

I bet you are wondering WHY I had a blind eye, when it came to infidelity....well, sometimes its feels better to try and believe the best in your spouse...after all, isn't that what we are supposed to do when we love someone? My husband (now ex) was charming, and he knew all the right things to say. But once I started asking questions, his demeanor totally changed. He starting being ugly to me, treating me badly, starting fights and did everything that he could to make me think that all of this was my fault. Totally wanting to keep my marriage and family together, I settled down and tried to "sweep things under the rug" as they say. Who wants to leave their comfort zone? I certainly didn't. As time went on, things became worse. I started discovering love letters, personal messages to him from her.....NEVER anything from HIM to her. So, he used that to his advantage and made me think that it was HER who wouldn't leave him alone.....which only made things worse for me. It's undeniable when you find things that aren't right. He had an excuse for EVERYTHING I questioned him about. I grew tired. VERY TIRED of fighting with him over it. I was asking questions that never got answered. I felt like I had to do something. Begging didn't help. Finding her phone numbers and blocking her didn't help. Keeping him busy at home certainly didn't help either. Something had to be done and I was running out of options, so I took a stance. I had to accept the truth...................to be continued.

How I Got Over The Agony Of Infidelity.....Part 2

2011-03-20T05:56:00.001-05:00

How did I manage to get myself through all the pain of infidelity? Well, first of all, you have to be able to get past the part of the initial shock that your spouse would ever even think of cheating on you. That initial shock might take a long time, and maybe longer than you want, but honestly, some people can get through it faster than others. For me, it seemed like it took forever. I was very much in love with my husband and I didn't ever think that we had any really big or deep problems. We, in fact, used to get along extremely well, but little did I know, at some point in our marriage, he must have decided that "we" weren't as happy as I thought. I wanted to make his cheating stop. I checked his cell phone, and not only because I was suspicious, but because I ran his self-employed business and did all the paperwork, and answered most the calls. I wasn't expecting to hear his "other woman" being as intimate as she was. Actually, his infidelity hit me like a ton of bricks....only when I confronted him, his denial was very strong. I wanted to believe him, and so I did.....but I shouldn't have. They say a woman's intuition is right most of the time. And I should have believed in myself, but I let him tear my doubts down.....BIG mistake on my part. ...................to be continued.

How I Got Over The Agony Of Infidelity? Part 1......to be continued

2011-03-18T05:47:00.002-05:00

Going through infidelity is one of the hardest things to have to go through in life. Sometimes I wonder how I ever made it through. My heart was soooooo torn into pieces and I was so out of sync because I wanted to stop all the crazyness and just stop my husband's infidelity. No matter what I did, nothing stopped it. I learned the hard way---that it MUST come from the one who's cheating....THEY have to be the one who stops it and does it because they want to. I cried all the crocodile tears that I had, begged, pleaded, and still, nothing stopped. The only thing I received for all of my heartache was him getting angry, calling me names and treating me worse than he already had. There were times that he told me that nothing was going on, and he played it cool for a little bit to make me think things were alright with us again, but it was all a game that he was playing. I wanted to believe him and I walked around with rose-colored glasses for a time, only because I wanted to pretend he was all mine again. But you know what? After a long bit of time, I started to think about what I could do about it. I wanted to become a stronger person. I had cried all the tears that I was going to cry, or so I thought, but I wanted to make things better.....so how did I do this?

Soon To Follow.....5-Part Series On How I Got Over The Agony Of Infidelity

2011-03-17T06:44:00.001-05:00

I will be starting a 5-part series of how I got over the agony of infidelity. I know that everyone will go through their journey differently, and some of us will mend quicker than others. It took me such a long time that it felt like an eternity. Loving someone and being in a committed relationship is supposed to be a wonderful experience, but it isn't easy when your spouse/partner decides to cheat. What are the ways you can make things better? If you both decide to work on it, then it CAN be done. But if you are the only one working on a marriage, or a committed relationship, then it doesn't really work. Do what you have to do for yourself. And know, that you cannot make your spouse/partner do what you want them to do....they must do it because they want to.

A World Full Of " IFS"

2011-03-14T23:58:00.000-05:00

I had to go into the city where my ex moved into with his other woman today. I got dangerously close to "their" house. I haven't seen him in a very long time so I was hoping that I would not run into him. What IF I had seen him? How would I have reacted? I honestly don't think that I would have been too upset, but perhaps if I had seen him WITH her, it might have been a different story. I know that today I am a very strong person for all that he put me through so I don't think it would have been too much of an issue. I know that I miss those times when we used to be good together....but I don't miss all the heartbreak and tears that he brought to my life. Going through infidelity issues with an adulterous partner has got to be one of the hardest things in life. My whole world was blown apart over his needing other women. I honestly thought I would never get through it, but I did. I think that if I had known back then, that I would REALLY be okay after it was all said and done, I would have not held on as long as I did. I would have been able to get out of that mess much sooner. Everyone deals with heartache differently. Knowing that I did the right thing by getting out was the best thing I ever did for myself. However, some are able to work through it.....wished we could have but he wasn't willing. Both parties must be willing to work at it, and it's super hard, but it CAN be achieved. I think it all depends on the couple. My world of "ifs" stopped the moment that he decided he couldn't give up his other woman. I have moved on....and I am SOOOOO glad that I did.

Almost A Lifetime Away....

2011-03-08T18:31:00.000-06:00

As much suffering as I have done, I look back at everything that I have been through. Was my marrying him a mistake? Would it have been any different if we had just stayed a couple without the paperwork? Nobody knows the answer to that and I suppose that guessing would only just stir up the feelings a bit. I have come so far since all the heartache he has put me through, and I know that I am a stronger person now. Our daughter will be an adult later this year, so that will officially cut his ties as far as child support goes....but I sure wished that he had been a better father and been there for her, but it just didn't happen. I feel saddened that he has missed out on a beautiful daughter and knows near to absolutely nothing about her except for his occasional visit. The last time that I spoke with him, he still had the nerve to utter the "I love you" words to me, but those words don't get to me like they used to. Still, all in all, I almost feel like being with him was a lifetime away, but in reality, only a few years. I am happy that I was able to get over such hurt, but there's still a part of me, who will always remember it. Thank goodness for rebuilding and becoming a better person.

Not Everyone Cheats !

2011-02-22T16:31:00.000-06:00

According to today's statistics, there are more cheaters out there these days and so many marriages broken up over them....however, I wonder if there were just as many cheaters way back in the day and we just didn't know about it because back then everyone just seemed to stay together, and divorce wasn't very prevalent. I also want to say that not everyone will experience cheating by their mates. I know that there are good men out there, but how do you find them? Or perhaps, you let them find you. Recently, someone within my family had a divorce due to her cheating husband and it wasn't pretty at all. He was actually ANGRY at HER for wanting a divorce due to his cheating and he blamed it all on her. She was devastated for a long period of time....however, she has been "taking a break" to work on her own issues and trying to get through her hurt. It is a much needed break. I honestly think that by taking the break is in her best interest...especially to re-group herself and try to work through all the pain, before going out with someone new. I told her to keep her chin up because not everyone cheats!

Could You Be Friends With Your Ex?

2011-01-21T17:17:00.000-06:00

Is it possible to stay friendly with your ex when he/she has really broken your heart with infidelity? First of all, if you have children together, you must maintain some kind of "niceness" between you to make sure that your children don't suffer from the fall out. Children are so precious, and so innocent and deserve to have both parents....so, aside from that, what about when your children become adults? I think that this all depends on how much time has passed since he/she crushed your heart and the time since the break up. I can tell you that even though I no longer dwell on his cheating on a daily basis, the pain and hurt is still there, but it's lessened because I no longer have to see him daily, nor do I have to deal with it any longer. My ex doesn't hardly EVER come around to see our daughter so I haven't seen him in a very long time.
I think that after all these years, that if saw him somewhere, we would be able to talk, but as far as being friendly enough to go places together, I don't think so....although, some people are able to put their differences aside and do so. I don't think that I would be able to go somewhere that he and his other woman was, even after all this time, however.....if I ended up at a party or a function where they were at, I would be able to make the best of it....after all, it's done.

Here Is A Link That Lists 50 Blogs And Resources For Coping With Infidelity

2011-01-11T08:14:00.004-06:00

I got up this morning, going through the emails when something caught my attention...an email from a man named Michael who let me know that my blog was included on his list of the top 50 blogs about infidelity....wow! I am amazed at all of the sites he found. . I just want to say "thank you " very much for noticing my blog ! Anyways, without further adieu.....

http://www.mastersinpsychology.net/top-50-blogs-and-resources-for-coping-with-infidelity

Finding The Joy In Life

2011-01-04T23:06:00.000-06:00

I look at all the experience I have had in this lifetime and I wonder why I was never able to see what was right in front of me when he was cheating. I mean, I may have seen the signs, but they still hit me like a ton of bricks. Never ever in a million years did I think he would actually cheat on me. I was sooooo in love, and thought that he was too. I think that I have endured so much heartache and pain, along with all the drama that I wonder how did I manage to get through it all....and the wierd thing is..that I made it through. The pain was just so deep, and it took me a very long time to get over it, and over him, but my heart was able to heal. I am at a point in my life that I no longer wish to deal with any drama, unless it's on a tv show or something that cannot touch me. I feel like it took me a very long time to get to this point. Some people just heal differently than others, and I have also found that some people never seem to get past the "getting over it" point. If you are experiencing this, where you just cannot seem to get past it, maybe it's time to "allow" yourself to be done with the hurt and the pain and realize that life is just too short to be unhappy all the time. Give yourself a break from the pain and move on from it, but that's only after you feel like you've grieved long enough. Find yourself once again and try to move on to life's other joys.

Is He Looking Back At His Past?

2010-12-27T22:12:00.000-06:00

The child support is late, but it's getting better....he is finally trying to make it up by paying a little extra on this month and the next and I hope that he continues. Our phone conversations are "of no more" these days but I have heard from him twice, to let me know about the extra on the child support. He always ends his phone calls with an "I love you, doll" but it doesn't mean anything to me anymore. And for me to say that, well, it's a miracle because I NEVER thought I would get over him or get over loving him.....but I have moved on past this and I am doing fine. He called and made plans to come and see his daughter, and as much as she HATED waiting on him for that one long hour, it's only because he has made her wait SOOOO many times being a no-show....but this time, he came. Is is that he is FINALLY starting to see what he messed up? It's been YEARS now and I am wondering if he ever looks back to see what HE could have done to make things better, but then again, maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part. I think he is still the same old man, just maybe wishing that he never got caught cheating.

Another Holiday Season ......

2010-12-14T22:37:00.000-06:00

Here I sit, so close to Christmas, with Thanksgiving already passed, now feeling so much stronger. Long gone are the days that I have to worry about Christmas coming and him only participating just enough to get by...another reason for my happiness, is that I don't have to wonder how he's going to treat me or my friends for that matter...it's over, it's done and I am happy that I am on this side of that horrible journey. Going through infidelity is really one of the hardest things in life. Now that I am on this side of it, you are probably wondering what I have learned from all of it.....well, I feel that I have learned that I really AM worth being treated good. I deserve MUCH better than what he gave me, and that not all men out there are cheaters.....We all see how our society seems to see marriage as living happily ever after and having that little house and white picket fence. Does it exist? Perhaps for some, it really does.

Is There Really Anybody Out There Who Lasts In Marriage Anymore?

2010-11-14T10:47:00.000-06:00

Honestly, through the news media, tv and radio, all I hear these days are about couples who just don't make it. And there's sooooooo many of them that end because of infidelity. What's with it these days? What ever happened to marriage that lasts til death do us part? Does it even exist anymore? My parents divorced when I was a young teen....so was I destined to be in a failed marriage? I am wondering because I have been through more than one. Do we learn from our parents? Or is it because of society today being more accepting of failed marriages that just don't work out? Do we often jump into marriage before we are actually ready? Oh, so many questions with so few answers.

Why Do We Always Remember The Good, And Sometimes Forget The Bad?

2010-11-03T23:08:00.000-05:00

I look back at my past relationship and for a long time, I wanted it to work so badly, that there were times that he hurt my feelings terribly, and I would eventually go back with him, forgive him and all of a sudden, I was missing the "good" in us and not focusing so much on the "bad". Why do our minds let go of the bad when they cheat on us? Or perhaps it's not our minds, but our hearts that are taking over. I believe that there are many times when our hearts want one thing, and our minds want something totally different. Love can be so hard sometimes. I am very glad that I was strong enough to walk away, especially after having it happen over and over again....it would have never stopped. He was just way too interested in having more than one woman. I look back now and wonder why I put up with it for such a long time. I know that it had to have been my heart holding on for so long, because my mind knew better, but the heart won out for it seems like forever. Today I am happy and a much stronger woman. Being in love is wonderful, but when you start getting cheated on, your life just seems to fall apart. Onward and Upward for me.....and have I forgotten the bad that he put me through? No, but it has faded more back into the memory bank and today I am thankful for having been able to finally move on.

Cheating, Cheating, Cheating.....

2010-10-10T15:37:00.000-05:00

What's up with all this stuff in the news and it's always about someone cheating on their spouse or loved one. Why is that? What seems to be going on with people who just can't seem to find happiness with their spouse?
Is there anything that can be done about it? And aren't you tired of hearing about it? As you can see, it's not just us common folks, but celebrities as well....and it doesn't seem to me that beauty plays any part of it. A famous person can have an adorable looking spouse and will still cheat. That just goes to show you that it's not about pretty or ugly...it's about something that's missing inside of the person that's doing the cheating. To this day, I have really never found out why my ex cheated. His other woman wasn't prettier, skinnier or smarter than me, but he felt that it was something in her that he needed that I couldn't provide, I suppose. To think about it, cheating has been around since way back when.... I guess it will never end. So how do you go about finding someone who WON'T cheat? Good question, right?

Could I Have Prevented His Cheating?

2010-10-03T15:44:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I have to wonder and ask myself, "could I have prevented his cheating?" and for a long time, I took the blame, worried about how things might have been and beat myself up over this man, that I loved dearly, but felt that he needed to cheat on me. I felt lost without him, and it took me YEARS to actually get over him and what he did to our family and his stepping all over my heart and soul. How can someone really LOVE you and do something to hurt you all at the same time? I have asked myself this over and over through the years....and honestly, that is something that he will never be able to answer me. Bottom line is...is that he thought that he could get by with it without my knowing...hence the saying "what she doesn't know won't hurt her". I honestly don't think that I could have prevented his cheating because I thought that things were good....and on the surface, they were. He had home cooked meals, clean clothes and we were getting along fine as well, but obviously, to him, something was missing or he wouldn't have felt the need to go to HER. Believe me, I bent over backwards to try and fix him, and his cheating ways, and NOTHING helped....so, no, I do not think that I could have prevented his infidelities. Hopefully he's happy now, with HER....I know that I am VERY happy without the worry of wondering any longer.

Is Anything Uncomplicated In Life?

2010-09-26T10:22:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wonder what's going on in this world... I look around and see so many of my family and friends going through marital problems. I just have to wonder what's going on. I saw on the news that the most reasons that people divorce are due to cheating and money problems. Why do people get so bored in marriage that they find the need to go out and cheat on their spouse? Does it solve any problems? No, it doesn't...it only makes things worse. Money problems are almost always a problem, especially in this economy...but cheating has been around since forever. Do you think that after divorce comes from infidelity, that the next relationship is any better? What about trust?

Are You Getting What You Want From Your Relationship?

2010-09-06T22:02:00.000-05:00

Everyone wants and deserves to have a great relationship...are you getting what you want from it? What things are most important to you? I think that being able to trust your partner, respect is also way up high on the list of things for me. Being able to have the respect shows you that they honestly care about your feelings. I can remember a time when my ex used to be very loving towards me, and things were good....but towards the end of things, he began calling me names, humiliating me in front of others (especially my family) and I was always feeling terribly low about myself. I think that sometimes this kind of thing starts when there's an argument and people often say things that really hurt, only because they want to hurt the other person. I know that there is a RIGHT way and a WRONG way to argue....wished he would have gotten it.
Other things important to a relationship is being able to talk things out. Very important. Being able to be with someone that has pretty much the same values that you do, is also huge on my list. What are yours?

The Dating World Seems So Scarey Sometimes

2010-08-28T21:53:00.000-05:00

So, how do you actually start getting back out into the dating world again? That seems to be a large question but not sure about the answers. How do you know when it's time? I guess that all depends on how quick you actually get over your past situation and how soon you think that you are ready to jump in.
1. online dating is one option that works for many...just be careful here that you don't end up with someone like your ex.
2. meeting someone through your friends or family...might be an option as well. Just ask your friends not to set you up with someone that has alot of bad habits though.
3. public places, such as ball games, volunteering, social outtings.
4. through the work place, but not in the circumstances where they don't allow in-work dating.
5. grocery stores, malls, bowling alleys, etc.
There are so many places to meet new people. My suggestion would be to take it slowly, take your time getting to know the other person before jumping in head first.
Even though I knew my ex husband VERY well, obviously, I didn't know him well enough.

Commitment and Chores

2010-08-23T15:24:00.002-05:00

I wonder sometimes, what it would have taken, to be accepted by my ex, as the only love of his life. At one time, I used to be, but I don't know what changed. What makes someone commit to loving one person, then , somewhere along the way, they change their mind, decide it's okay to take that leap of going out and having an affair behind their spouse's back? Why would he have decided that it was okay? Sometimes, it seems that life is blinding....only because you think that everything is okay, but they really aren't.
Making a commitment of marriage or being in a committed relationship should be just that--a commitment. Do we just suddenly grow tired of the same ole every day life experiences? Is there any way to change this?
I just feel that life is life....bills still have to be paid, no matter if it's a truck note, house payment or just the monthly electricity or water bill that comes along....and kids, if you have them, need to be nurtured and cared for.. Cooking dinner, washing the laundry all has to be tended to, unless you have a daily maid to do it for you, so once the newness of a relationship or marriage wears off, and daily life is staring right directly at you, these are all things that must be taken care of. Do we get so caught up in life that we let go of our newness of vowes? Aren't they just as important as the chores, if not more so?

Fathers And Daughters

2010-08-17T05:29:00.004-05:00

My daughter had her 17th birthday several days ago and low and behold! HE called her. Her father actually made the attempt to call her and once again, he told her that he would be over to see her in 30 minutes, and he showed up, for real! I decided to run a few errands before he came because I wanted it to be HER moment, hopefully give them a chance to talk. She called to tell me that he even gave her $30. Wow! I am stunned that he came over! I am also happy for her, because she's been wanting for him to come over when he says he is. I think that perhaps he's feeling a little guilty for not showing up all those past times when he told her he was. He and I had a conversation a couple of weeks ago and he let me know that he is having some health issues, and it's not good, so maybe he is trying to get back some father/daughter time that he has missed all these years. Why did he let all those years go? He has missed out on some wonderful times of her growing up. Do you suppose that he is going to start coming over on a more regular basis now to see her? I hope so.

"Marriage"... written by Vicky Gray Deaton, Please read

2010-08-11T17:48:00.004-05:00

This post was not written by me, but I saw it and wanted to share it with all of you...it's terribly sad, that's for sure................................................................................................

by Vicky Gray Deaton on Saturday, July 17, 2010 at 9:03pm

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Moving Right Along

2010-08-05T07:39:00.002-05:00

The whole month went by and no child support..... I got brave enough to call him, and much to my suprize!.....he actually answered the phone. He told me that he had sent it on the last day of the month, and I asked him if he realized that it is supposed to be due on the first of the month, and all he could say was that he didn't have any money because he was choosing to work only half days because of the heat. He does some work outside, but he also works inside because he is home repairs but he still feels like working half a day is alright. He also told me that he had been sick and spending some money on his doctor bills. Right then, I knew he was telling the truth because he is a fanatic about his health. He even asked about our daughter--wow--what a shock! I was sad hearing that he has something wrong that they are doing tests to find out what it is, but on the other hand, I am glad that I no longer have to deal with his way of life. Seems that the other woman is doing that now. He called me a term of endearment, but didn't keep telling me that he loved me this time. What a sigh of relief that he no longer thinks that I am going to run back to him like I did last time.

Would I Ever Go Back To My Ex?

2010-07-25T15:41:00.003-05:00

Would I ever consider going back to my ex, now that we have been apart for years? The answer to this is a big NO!. Through the past years, I have learned how to deal with him, able to talk to him about our daughter, but after going back to him once and it not working out the second time, I would never ever do it again. The heartbreak of his cheating was almost more than one heart can stand. One thing I have found out about my ex, is that he is not going to change. He wouldn't change for me, or for our family, so he would not be any different the third time around. I know that he is with his other woman, and I also know that he is NOT faithful to her either, but she doesn't seem to care. I don't understand why, but that's just how it is. Honestly, if a man/woman is all talk, but no action, then how could it get better? Seeing is believing, as they say, and he is just one more chapter in my life that has turned the last page. I am so much happier now, and although I do tend to "look" back at my past sometimes, I hope to never re-live it.

Are You Where You Want To Be In Life?

2010-07-16T22:12:00.003-05:00

Are you where you want to be in life? I only ask this because life is so short and I have lost so much of it, going through my ex's cheating. I don't know why I couldn't open my eyes and face what was going on.... I saw it, I heard it, but I just couldn't react, and I think it was if my life was frozen in time. I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to believe all the lies he told me about HER being the one who always called him. Funny thing was, even though he didn't call her, she didn't have a car and the only way that she saw him was because he drove 30 minutes out of his way to see her. He told me that he wasn't doing anything, and that it was all in my imagination. He was so good at his words that I even started doubting myself....but at some point in my life, I got up out of the funk I was in, and started to get stronger. I started to believe in myself and although I wanted all the answers, I never got them. It's been years now, and I still don't have the answers, but they are not important to me anymore. I have discovered that being with him was too much drama. I was tired of trying to catch him with her, tired of checking his phone and tired of him treating me like I was nothing. Where did I want to be in life? I wanted to be first. Once I finally realized that the other woman came first and I didn't, I had to get out of there. Where am I at in life right now? I am so much happier. I have peace. I am finally without drama. And lastly, I am not being cheated on anymore!

Our Daughter Called Her Dad

2010-07-13T20:44:00.002-05:00

Just out of the blue today, my daughter told me that she called her dad and he actually answered. I was shocked and happy all in one, that he took the time to answer her call. I was curious, of course, to see why she had called him after all this time has passed, and she told me that she just wanted to know how he was doing. They didn't talk long but she finally had assurance that he was doing alright.
I think that when our children go through infidelity issues with parents, or learn of what's happened, they go through alot of hurt and pain, like we do. When families break apart, they are also torn. They have no idea what went on or why one parent left the other. My daughter never knew why her dad and I broke apart until she was old enough to handle the truth. She saw with her own two eyes how he treated me, but never had the final answer until I felt she could deal with it. That also went hand in hand on when she dates boys for what is acceptable and what isn't. I believe that through all the hurt and heartache he has caused for our family, she eventually came through it....although I still know that she's crushed by his not calling or coming over for such a long time and yet that is another story to tell....but only time will tell if he will start calling her now since she's made the first attempt. I am proud of her for trying...it seems as if she is more adult-like than he ever was.

Why Wasn't My Ex A Better Father?

2010-07-06T21:41:00.003-05:00

Only five years ago, only a young preteen at the time, our daughter sat, and waited. Daddy called her and told her that he would be on his way to pick her up within 1 hour. She was so anxious that even if she had other plans, she would cancel them for a chance to go out with her dad. And so she got ready, and waited patiently. An hour slowly ticked by and still no sight of daddy. She called him and he told her "I will be right there, my baby"....she waited in the chair that sat right by the front door window so she could look out and see him coming down the road in his new, beige toyota wagon. Still after waiting ever so patiently, there's no daddy coming down the street to pick her up. Where was he? Why didn't he call? She picked up the phone and dialed his number, and only got his answering machine. She left messages, she texted him and wondered where he was. After sitting for hours upon hours it seemed like she had waited way too long...and daddy never came. Tears came flowing down and I cried like a baby for her, but didn't want her to see my tears so I had to stay calm. Why did he do this to her? It happened over and over and over again. Then one day, she starting realizing that he was only telling her tales and that he was not going to come. She gave up on him, and is now not even caring whether he calls or comes or not. It has been five years now......, she has grown to know the man that he is, and it's a shame. I wanted so much for her to have her daddy, but he was just too busy. I don't understand how a father could do this to his child. Our daughter is nearly 17 years old now, and growing into such a beautiful young lady. I have always been there for her and she knows how much she is loved....but I will never understand how a father can just dump his daughter, because he is so involved with another woman. I know that her heart will heal one day and she can look back and see that I have always been there for her.......what happened to my ex? I just don't know.

Ramblings About Child Support

2010-07-01T18:37:00.003-05:00

I received word that my June's child support came in on the last day of the month....I was sooooo sweating it --that I was not going to get any this month. Of course, it's July now and is barely going to be posting to my account. I don't understand why it's like pulling teeth to get a small amount of child support ON TIME! There have been so many other Dr. visits that I have had to cover, extra stuff for school, and just basic needs that he DOESN'T help with so why is it have to be one of those things that makes me want to just pull all his hair out? I have told him time and time again that the chiropractor visits are cash and not covered by insurance and that I need help and his reply is " at least SHE has insurance, I don't" And that's because he only thinks of himself. What a shame! Was this REALLY the man that I married all those years ago?

Reflections Of My Past

2010-06-30T21:52:00.002-05:00

I sit here tonight, looking at my past and the road that I have been down. I am so thankful that I have learned alot in life.....but I am saddened by the way I had to learn them. When I was still with my ex, I never in my life dreamed that he would hurt me so badly. I took so much time trying to save my relationship with him that I wasted alot of my valuable time. Where am I at today? I am happy, and learning how to cope with life. Where is he at today? He is with his "other woman" and not working very much. Child support is always sent at the very last week of the month and there have even been times when I didn't get it at all. No matter how much I loved him, or trusted him in the beginning, time seems to have changed everything for us. Another thing that I have learned, but it seemed to have taken a long time for me to learn is that you cannot make someone love you...and you cannot control someone who cheats on you, unless they want to participate in making the change. No matter how many times I blocked the other woman's number, she still got him in the end, and that was a decision that he made. I think the only thing now, is to keep moving on and up and taking care of myself and my daughter. Life is pretty good, and I hope it stays that way.

Why Do Relationships Have To Be So Difficult?

2010-06-28T21:34:00.003-05:00

I don't know why relationships have to be so darned hard. We grow up having this idea in our heads that we are gonna be with the partner of our dreams, have children, the cute little house on the corner and then bam! something seems to go wrong and I just don't get it. Why is there so much heartache when it's supposed to be nothing but bliss? I guess our society has us to believe that getting married is what we are destined to do and we go into it with our heads sunk into our hearts......and then, when the honeymoon's over it's just back to business : work, children, bills, life....just everything. Do we lose that "honeymoon" phase due to the basics of life? So that also raises the question: do we not look for a partner that we can stay with forever when wer'e looking or do we settle for something less because our heart has fallen head over heels? I don't know the answers here but wished I did. I felt like I got married when I should have waited, but my heart was enamored with him. I fell hard and it felt good. We had an amazing love which I felt lasted for awhile but at some point, he made the choice to cheat on me, leaving my whole world upside down. I don't know what my future brings because I am wondering if I am going to go down the same path again....maybe not with someone who cheats on me, but someone who hurts me in other ways. Is it safe to fall in love again? I think maybe so, but perhaps this time with a little more "wait and see" type attitude. Why does love have to be so difficult?

Learning How To Move On After Infidelity

2010-06-26T07:12:00.000-05:00

Honestly, moving on after infidelity is one of the harder things in life. You get married, make a family together and work on a daily thing called life. Having that special someone to have your back whenever you need them to becomes an essential part of being married. Trusting your partner to be faithful just comes naturally., at least it did for me. I never in my wildest of dreams ever though I would be cheated on. So, after all the heart wrenching pain, the crying, the wondering why and what can be done to fix it is over, how do you move on? Can you move on? Certainly, but it might not seem like it when it's all fresh. I have to admit it, but it DOES take TIME to get through infidelity. It took me alot longer than I thought it would, and it seemed to have sucked the life out of me. I lost so much time going through the pain. I think that the first step in moving on is to make sure that you are at peace with yourself. Don't wait until you have all the answers as to why this happened because, unfortunetly, like me, you might not get all the answers. So that means that you have to try and get past the unanswered questions. Having someone to talk to really helps. Sometimes other people can sort out something that we just didn't see before. You need to know that you are going to be okay and that you will get through the pain. Sometimes doing something extra special for yourself helps as well. Take time to heal, and don't rush through your feelings. Move on at your own pace, because nobody can tell you how long it will take you to do so. Finding something positive about yourself also helps. New hobbies are great and will also get you out into the world again, but a little at a time. Finally, know that it takes TWO people to work on the problem and if it's just you and it's one-sided, then it probably won't work. Take care of yourself, because you ARE worth it!

Fathers Day Came And Went ....

2010-06-24T19:10:00.001-05:00

Father's Day came and our teen daughter let the entire day slip right on through.....without calling her dad. It's been about a year now since she's seen him. He has chosen not to come or call....and will occasionally text her but it's few and far between. I am sure that he missed having her remember him but to her, it was very hard and hurtful for him to choose NOT to come or call. She has her own cell phone so he can call her whenever he wants.....she's almost 17 now and he's missed out on so much already. He didn't attend her quinceanera nearly two years ago, even after she BEGGED and pleaded with him.....he didn't show up for Christmas, or any such holidays. I think that last year on her birthday he texted her a happy birthday. This man has chosen and made it clear that he is way too busy with his other woman who he lives with now. She doesn't have any children and so they are free to do whatever they wish. It's too bad that he has treated her this way....to the point that she doesn't care much anymore. It's sad because I have always felt that she needed him. I am past the point of crying to him and asking him to PLEASE come see her or call....I guess it's his loss now, what a shame!

What Makes Us Want To Work Through Infidelity?

2010-05-23T16:51:00.004-05:00

what makes us want to stay in a relationship that's going through infidelity? Nobody wants to be cheated on but yet, we hang on, in desperate hope to somehow make things work. It's not just the love, but it's the family that we cling onto, the months/years that we have invested in our relationship, and the memory of what once was when things were good. That's why I hung on for such a long time. I had hoped that he would come back to his senses and want to keep our family together, but it just wasn't enough. I was grasping at straws when there were none. Are you hanging onto a hopeless relationship? Are you waiting around to see if things get better? I know that feeling of not being able to sleep at night not being able to get all the bad things off your mind and it's so hard to know where to turn to for good help. Do you ever wonder how long it's going to take to make things turn around for the better? The answer to this is in the timing, and how willing both parties of the relationship are to working on it together. Finding someone to confide in and help you by listening is a great help....it was to me, at least. No one should have to deal with the infidelity of a spouse alone.

If He Loved Me, Why Did He Cheat?

2010-05-17T10:12:00.002-05:00

I look back at my horrible experience and wonder if I learned anything from it......you are supposed to learn something here, right? I still wonder WHY he cheated on me, if he loved me so much. I get lost in thought that maybe he just didn't know how to love me the way I wanted to be loved, I also wonder if it was just something he thought he was allowed to do, even though we said our vows....but you know, honestly, I think that he cheated on me because he thought that he could do it and get away with it. The other woman enticed him and he followed. He didn't have to, but HE made that choice, nobody else did. I blamed the other woman for a long time, but it wasn't her alone that caused his cheating....it was HIM. He didn't have to keep on seeking her. He didn't have to keep persuing her, but he did. Did he actually love me? Perhaps he did, in his own way, but he still thought he could cheat on me and get away with it. Some people say that a marriage takes two people to work on things....and it does. It was all one sided on my part, trying to make things work, but he was already gone.......she has him now, and what have I learned about this? Well, one thing, you can't make someone love you....another thing, most of the time, if they have cheated once, they are most likely to try and do it again. My last stance is that if a man loves me, he will be committed to me and me alone. Going through infidelity was one of the hardest things in life I have had to endure, but I am here, and still marching forward.

What Do You Look For In A Partner?

2010-05-11T21:51:00.000-05:00

After divorce, the world just seems to be so big and scarey, especially if you feel like you are in this world alone. Honestly, sometimes the loneliness can get to you but it's also very hard to start looking for someone new. Many folks believe that you should spend some time alone to yourself for a bit, long enough to give your heart some time to repair it's self from the heartache and sadness of losing your partner to infidelity. But what happens when you ARE ready to jump back out into the sea of love again? What do you look for in your next partner? Do you look for someone to re-marry, or do you take it nice and slow and see how things develop? Everyone has a different criteria for how they choose their next mate, but for me, it seems that I would want to find someone who was DIFFERENT than my exhusband because I am too afraid that I would pick someone again, who was just like him....and I don't want that. Do you go for the outward appearance first and then look on the inside later? I don't think that many people look at the heart-side of it first.....most look for someone who is attractive to them first. My mother always had a little saying "being pretty doesn't always mean it's on the outside---you have to be a nice person from the inside as well for it to make a difference". I guess as a younger person, I didn't always see it that way, but now, after experiencing all I have, I am starting to see it her way. What do I look for in my next partner? I am going to look for someone who has a generous and loving heart and someone who doesn't believe in cheating on their spouse. That might be hard to find, but I KNOW they exist.

Waiting Until It's Too Late

2010-05-10T21:36:00.003-05:00

Out of the blue, he called me again. I was thinking (as I was hearing him say hello) "oh no! what does he want now"? He started by telling me about a little old lady that was "our" friend, but once we divorced, she became "his" friend, and that's probably only because she thought he was the world's best thing since she lost her husband. This little lady was in her 90's and she loved his company and there were many times while we were married that I found him with her. I knew that he was just visiting her and helping her to fix things in her home, but he proceeded to tell me how she had passed away. But the problem was, he didn't let me know that she has just barely passed but that she had been buried over a week ago. I don't know why he waited so long to tell me, but maybe it was his way of letting me know but when HE wanted me to know. I felt sad because I had known her for many years, but he didn't stop to think and tell me so that I could go and see her for the last time. Maybe it was that way in our marriage, me not knowing things until it was too late. I didn't see the cheating the first time around until it was already too late. Even finding his cheating the second time around was too late because we had already bought a house together. Sometimes I wonder if I had known the warning signs ahead of time, I could have prevented his cheating....but then I honestly think about it and know in my heart that he would have cheated whether I knew the signs of cheating or not. There was nothing I could have done to prevent his behaviour. And as for my dear old friend, I will miss her....that's for sure.

Following A Budget After Divorce

2010-05-03T18:25:00.003-05:00

Learning how to downsize is pretty hard. I was used to 2 paychecks coming in the pay the bills, and now I am down to just me. Child support helps but I get VERY little since he is self employed and doesn't make too much. Learning how to budget is something that I have had to learn. First things first is the fact that you have to make enough money to afford the payments on the rent, or whatever house you are going to be living in. You must factor in the cost of electricity, gas and water and that is combined together to see if you make enough to cover that. Next is making sure that you have the money to buy gas for your car to get to work, food to eat on, and the necessary oil changes and new tire that you might need. Then....there's necessary clothing you need to clothe the children, if you have any, and for yourself to go to work in. All of this needs to be considered before the cable expenses, movie rentals, eating out and extras like going out to have a nice time. It's hard because it's totally different than it was before. Honestly, it CAN be done, as long as you watch your incoming and outgoing expenses. Making a budget is easily done by writing it all down on paper, then it's easier to follow.

Spending Too Much Time Wondering Why

2010-04-21T11:30:00.003-05:00

Seems that tragedy has a way of creeping into our lives without a moment's notice. Dealing with a cheating husband was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with in my life, walking away and learning to let go is more challenging than I can say. Many weeks of wondering why I ever had to go through such pain, wondering why he cheated but never getting the answers and after awhile, wondering why it took so much of my life away hoping that things would get better. Sometimes I ponder upon the fact that I have just spent way too much of my time just "wondering". I know that with time, your heart and soul heal, but with each person, the timetables are different. We never know how long we are going to be on Earth with our loved ones....time is so precious and so short. I think that I should have spent LESS time worrying and wondering and MORE time doing things for myself. Today I am much better, happier than I have ever been. Tragedies still seems to creep into my life. I just lost my precious little chihuahua and I don't even have a clue as to why. You hear people say that things happen for a reason, but in the case of a lost pet, I see no reason for it. Losing my pet not only brings up everything that I miss about her, but it also reminds me of some of the past things that have happened in my life and I wonder IF I will always have a rocky road ahead of me, or will things slow down and become easy going. I need to look forward and keep on moving on......at least I am not worrying about my ex anymore....

Does The Cheater Find Happiness?

2010-04-14T10:30:00.002-05:00

Is it possible for the cheater to find happiness with the other person? I honestly think that while a person is cheating, they are out having fun, doing the kind of things that feels good for them.
Cheating seems to be something they want to do because they don't have to worry about the loads of laundry sitting to be washed, they don't have to worry about how many bills are piled on the table to be paid, and they don't have to worry about anything important while they are out in their "happy place". While it seems to sound great not to have to worry about "life" stuff, eventually, they will have to think about those things. A person who is cheating does not have to think about "life" while they are away from the family. But life DOES go on. As soon as one bill gets paid, it comes right back around again, waiting for the next check. When my ex husband finally moved in with his other woman, he didn't have the "fun" escape anymore, and that's because he has to face the "life" issues with now a different woman. There will always be home repairs, car repairs, dishes to do and laundry to wash, so I don't know at what point the cheater finds happiness with the other person, and maybe it's beyond my thinking, I just don't know how my ex thought that having another woman was any different than what we had, especially since we got along so well. That one's a mystery for me I guess. If anyone out there has a good answer, I would LOVE to hear it.

Can You Recognize A Cheater?

2010-04-06T21:21:00.004-05:00

How do you recognize a cheater? I honestly don't think that you can, mostly, but I would think that if he's a big flirt, especially right in front of you, or you notice that he's just way too into "the women" then you might just have a problem. My ex husband was the kind of man who would want to go out to eat but he would stare at other women as they passed by, and yes, it was right in front of me. I hated that about him because I felt that he was being disrespectful towards me. I also noticed that he was extremely nice to his women customers, even not collecting his fee of doing a painting or home repair service at times, but I thought that maybe he was just trying to help someone out who was short of cash. I don't think that you can really ever guess if your partner is going to cheat on you or not, but I think it's a feeling of whether you feel secure in your relationship. I never thought in a million years that my ex would cheat, but he did. For some reason, I always thought that getting married meant that you were to be faithful to your partner but I am hearing and seeing so much adultery on tv, and on the radio these days. What has happened to honestly loving your partner enough to be faithful? I know that faithfulness DOES exist, but why are we hearing so much about cheating spouses?

Does Emotional Cheating Count As Cheating?

2010-03-30T16:29:00.004-05:00

We all know that if someone is caught "cheating", that normally means that your husband/wife was having an intimate relationship with someone outside of the marriage, but what about "emotional" cheating? Does that count? Honestly, in my opinion, if your spouse is "talking" to someone of the opposite sex and it's not about trying to make your marriage better, then I see it as a problem. Many people seek advice from a counselor, pastor or friend in hopes to try and make things better when there is a marriage problem, but it shouldn't be to someone of the opposite sex that's just a "friend" when they are spending countless hours away from you and instead of working with you on the problem. Emotionally giving to another person outside of the marriage CAN become a problem...it leads to jealousy, mistrust and a wondering of what's being said and if it's an uncountless number of hours upon hours on end, day after day, I see it as becoming close to someone else. Maybe that's my opinion, but I know that this sort of thing can happen and can also get out of control. If you have a problem with your spouse, first of all, please speak to your spouse about it, if that's possible. If not, there are many pastors, friends or a family member, as well as counselors who are willing to listen.

Does A Cheater Suffer Any Remorse?

2010-03-19T10:42:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was the first day that I have heard from him in a long time....and of course, he needed something. I never returned his call and thought that I would leave him hanging as he has done to me many of times. Does a man/woman change once they have cheated on you? Is there real remorse? In my ex husband's case, there was no remorse.....not for me, not for his cheating, nor for the family that he broke apart (ours). I do, honestly believe that people CAN change, but they must be willing to do so and want to do it for themselves, for bettering themselves and to not cause any of the pain that they once caused before. Life is SO short, you hear it and breathe it all the time, so will things be any different with his other woman, than it was with me? I already know the answer to this question....in my case, he is going to be the same person that he was with her, than he was with me and that's because he saw NOTHING that he did wrong. He told me that it was MY fault that I couldn't share him with someone else. He thought that his transgressions should all be swept under the rug where you can no longer see them. How did he not think that by my not seeing the problems that I still didn't have feelings? Being deavistated by my ex really seems to have made me more aware of men, even though I don't want to be this way. Are there any really good men out there? YES, but they just seem to be a little more harder to find these days.

Ever Wondered "What If?"

2010-03-07T18:27:00.004-06:00

Have you wondered if you were stuck in such a horrible situation for so long, that sooner or later, it's got to get better? That's what I did. I waited, wished, hoped, prayed and waited some more, but my world was just so up and down. For a while, I thought maybe he was going to drop the other woman and see how much he loved me.....but even during the times that things were quiet, they really weren;t....he was just hiding it more. With every complaint I made, he went more into hiding what he was doing. I wanted my marriage to work, even to the point of my giving him all of my extra time, cooking gourmet meals, washing and ironing his clothes to perfection, even paying for some dinners out and whatever I could to make his life like a king......but it didn't matter. The other woman had his heart. Why did I work so hard for a marriage that he clearly didn't want? He told me that he wanted me and the marriage but his actions spoke louder than his words. Every body wants a loving and lasting relationship but if both parties are not willing to work at it together, then it just doesn't get better.

Self Esteem and Going Through Infidelity

2010-03-01T09:20:00.003-06:00

Today I want to talk about self-esteem. How is your self-esteem and how do you feel about yourself? During my many years of being married to my ex, he continually chipped at my self esteem. Some days he wasn't so bad, but there were other days that he always had something to say about me that wasn't very nice. I went through periods of time thinking that I didn't make him happy because it was something that I should have done or could have changed about what I did. At the beginning of our marriage, if he hurt my feelings he would apologize and try to make things better, but as time went on, and he started with his cheating on me with other women, he would say things to hurt me, but then would not care about what I felt. I was left to deal with his hurt all alone and I would look back at myself and think about what I could do to make our marriage better. I wanted him to love me, and I didn't know how to make the hurt go away. With time many couples let themselves go to some degree and I thought that with my having our daughter and then trying to take care of our household, the taxes, his business and my working that it may have caused him to see me in a different way, however, to be at all fair about this, I have to say that LIFE must go on....the bills getting paid, taking care of children, working and such is something that I HAD to do...regardless of how he felt. What I didn't know at that time, was he was actually seeing someone else and was just picking on me so that he could get an easy way out of the house to go and see her without my wondering why he left. Self esteem is something that you need to keep hold on tight of because without feeling good about yourself, you start having the feeling of not caring about things and feeling as though you are not worth it....but honestly, YOU ARE VALUABLE AND YOU MEAN SOMETHING..... please take care of yourself if you are experiencing going through these feelings. Find someone to talk to that can show you that you don't have to feel bad about yourself. It's not always something that YOU do, because marriage is made up of 2 people, not 3. ...... and if both of you want to work out a marriage you will do it TOGETHER!

He Likes To Play Head Games!

2010-02-22T07:28:00.003-06:00

I guess we are at a new place in our "new lives" now, one in which he is starting to play the head games with me once again. I don't hardly ever hear from him.....unless he wants something from me, be it help with his taxes, help on what to do with re-fiancing our old home (which I thought he lost but am not sure where it stands now) or just whenever he feels like calling. He called me right about the time that child support was just a little past due, wanting me to do his taxes for him since I have all these years, and without one thought, I said NO! Yes, that's right, I finally am able to tell him NO......I am so proud of myself, however, he told me that he was already sending the child support and it's been almost 3 weeks now that he STILL has not paid the child support. I know that times are tight, but that money helps to buy the things that my daughter needs. I am now wondering if he is withholding it from me because I told him that I could not do his taxes. As a matter of fact, I KNOW that's probably it, but I cannot keep helping him, because if I do, he will never let go. He is with HER now and he needs to stick with his choice of being with her and leave me in peace. Why does he have to play games? Oh, and when we were saying goodbye on the phone, he told me that he still loved me....GEEZ!

Moving On From The Cheater

2010-02-02T09:25:00.003-06:00

Day by day has passed, and I am hearing from him much less. I know that he must be happy now with his new other woman. I still have a place in my heart that hopes that he is doing well, of course,we DO have a child together so I think that will always be there....but I am not having to worry about him as much anymore and that's a good feeling. I no longer have to hear the emotional abuse that he put me through, and I don't have to hear all the bad things he had to say about my friends or anything else for that matter. What a sigh of relief I am living now. I do, however, wish that he was around for our daughter....that really makes me sad that she is having to be without her father around, and it's by his own choice, not mine. One day she will be a full grown woman and he will have missed all of it.
Right now, I am making the best of my new life....working on getting all my credit card bills paid off that we shared. I am also watching what I eat, and have already lost some. I have a place that I can call my own, and I am being the best mother that I can be. So far, since the infidelity and our seperation, I think that I am moving on quite nicely. I can honestly say that as time goes on, there is less time thinking and wondering about what might have been, and what could have been done differently, but as the world turns, I move on, step by step. How are you coming along in your new life, if you have done so? If not, are you still hanging on to a partner who HAS to cheat because you think there is no other life out there for you?

Are You Staying With Him For Your Children?

2010-01-29T06:00:00.002-06:00

I stayed with my ex for way much longer than I should have, of course, I can say this now....now that I am on the other side of things. Going through infidelity really hits hard, and I can say, it honestly does have an impact on the entire family. My daughter was young and she didn't know what was going on because I held my tears a good portion of the time, and my son was old enough to figure out what was happening because he was a teen. My ex never "yelled" but when he got mad, he would say extremely bad things to me, call me names and said things that are hard to repeat. I tried not confronting him when the kids were home because I didn't want them to hear how he was, however, there were times when HE started in on me, trying to get out of the house by getting me upset, so he got out of the house whenever he wanted. Why did I stay with him? I wanted my family intact. I shouldn't have stayed with him for that reason.....well, and I loved him too so it was hard facing the fact that he had another woman. It was much harder being a family when he honestly didn't want to be there. He wanted to be with her, and that was all he thought about. He was in and out so much that he made it hard to go out as a family. I found out it was heartbreaking for me to stay with him when he didn't want to work things out. Are you staying to keep the family together?

Looking Into The Future

2010-01-22T11:20:00.002-06:00

Oh how wonderful it would be if I could be able to find someone who holds the same things dear that I do. Holding hands I used to think was a thing for younger people, but really, it's not. When we find our true love, holding hands is just something normal and natural. Walking away from my ex husband and seeing who he really was honestly took time. It didn't happen in a day, or even a week. I had to be able to look at my situation from the outside, which is something that I could not do while in the relationship. His infidelity and lying ways was more than I could stand. I deserve to have someone who loves me for me, and someone who respects me enough to be with only me. I am learning more about myself each and every day, and some day, my prince just might come! Never give up.

Child Support and A Teen

2010-01-18T18:00:00.004-06:00

These days just seem to go so fast, and my daughter is maturing every day. She is now 16 and even though she's tiny and thin, she EATS so much! She is a very smart young lady, very caring and very thoughtful. Her father sends her child support every month, although it is always mid-month before we get it. He just doesn't seem to understand that it goes to pay for the things that SHE needs. It's not about me anymore, it's about her! What doesn't he understand about having a daughter? It's not about child support only, it's about spending time with her and calling her to see how she's doing. I know that the money helps, but where's his heart? Where is the man she calls "dad"? I know that he is with the other woman now, and lives with her too, but why can't he find a few precious moments to come see our daughter, or at least call her? She has her own cell phone, he knows the number. She is driving now too, but he hasn't bothered to even ask her to meet him somewhere, let alone come here to see her. I just don't get it and it really makes me sad!

I Think He Lost My House

2010-01-13T11:07:00.002-06:00

Well, if you have been following along, you probably know that I signed over my half of the house to him because he was really bothering me, trying to get me to pay on HIS credit cards so I just gave him what he wanted. I gave him "our" house, the one that I picked out. It's been years now that we have been together and he finally told me that he was moving in with his Other Woman. He wanted me to take over the house, but he wanted like 5 thousand dollars, on top of that, for me to pay the back 2 years of taxes he owed AND the 3 thousand he was behind on the payments. I just am not able to do that, nor do I want to bail him out once AGAIN. He told me that he wanted to keep the house because he thought I was going to go back to him again, but since I didn't, he moved in with her and is no longer interested in keeping it. My grown son was going to step in and take over but being as young as he is, just starting out and all, I doubt that anything happens. I know the man who bought and financed the house for us, but my ex told him that I was the one who walked out....basically true, but he didn't bother telling him WHY nor that he cheated on me with several women and that he wasn't willing to make things work. He always makes me look bad, but at this point, I really don't care. I know the truth, he does too, but he just doesn't want to make himself look bad. All in all, I guess that house was really never meant to be "ours" because right from the moment we moved in it, he was starting up his old ways and all I had was suffering from his games and other women.
Sometimes you don't want to let go of something that truely meant something to you, but then again, there are times that you just HAVE to.

Trying To Get A Grip On Finances

2010-01-02T15:04:00.003-06:00

Being single is totally different especially when it comes to the paychecks and paying out the bills. The word: budget, comes to mind and oh how I hate that word.
What are some of the ways that we can manage our finances when it comes to having to pay everything by ourselves?
First of all, write down what you have coming in and then write down what is coming out.....this will at least let you look to see what's going on. Secondly, find ways to minimize that cell phone bill, either by changing plans or finding a plan that lets you do what you need to without getting the overcharges. Those little charges for going over or adding something on can really make a difference in the overall picture of things!
Next, make sure you are turning off the lights when you don't need them and keep a check on electricity useage so your bill won't be sky high.
Make a grocery list of things you need and use coupons for the things that you can, because it really helps.
Watch the spending on going out to eat, specialty coffees and things like that because those things can eat up the cash fast without even knowing it.
Also, find a small coffee can or jar and start putting your spare change in it for little treats on a rainy day, or when you need something extra.
Living on a budget can be difficult, but it CAN be done.

My New Years Resolution

2009-12-28T08:10:00.000-06:00

The new year is coming quickly......hurry, hurry, do you have any new years resolutions? I think that mine will be to put one foot in front of the other and walk straight ahead with my eyes and ears wide open as much as possible. I know, maybe you thought it would be for me to not dwell on my ex and the hurt he has caused, however, I cannot make that a resolution until I am sure that I am ready for it. I have my good days, and my bad ones too. I think it's normal to have days where you don't even think of him/her at all, and then other days where you boo-hoo at the drop of a hat when you hear his/her name, accidently bump into him/her with their new other person, or just hear a song that reminds you of when you were happy as a couple. I believe that keeing my eyes wide open to anyone new and trying to make sure that I don't pick anyone that's going to put me through the "hel." that my ex did, and keeping my ears open to listening to what's going on around me. Sometimes it's hard to keep your eyes open though, because once you fall in love, the senses just get lost. But, there, you have it, my new years resolution.....may it stick with me the whole year long!

A Much Better Life, Even Through The Holidays

2009-12-26T19:45:00.004-06:00

I made it through Thanksgiving, and I made it through Christmas..... I am starting to feel like a new woman with a new life. This is such a great feeling to have. Buying presents this year has no doubt been hard on alot of people but learning how to be single on a single budget is challenging as well. I think that I have used more coupons than ever this year, but life is much better for me and my daughter. We didn't have to pretend that things were going smoothly, because they really were. We didn't have to cook two different dinners because we both ate the same thing..... and we didn't have to feel like we were left out because he wasn't here..... and I have to say, that was a good feeling.
Having the support of my friends and family is one of the many blessings through this whole ordeal. Being cheated on was never my wish, and I honestly believed that I gave him all of my love and everything that I had, but when only one person works on a marriage, it never works. Both partners must work together to make it work. Stand up for yourself, because you deserve a life without being cheated on.

Infidelity and The Holidays

2009-12-07T08:28:00.003-06:00

With the holidays here and so much going on, I have found myself so busy with things that I haven't stopped to think about him.....and that's a good thing. My heart still beats hard, thinking about what might have been and the family times we could have been having right now, but I cannot go back. Whenever he does call, which is few and far between these days, he still tells me that he loves me and misses me. I used to let that bother me, almost to the point that I start blaming myself for us not being together, but it was really HIS decision that he wanted the OW and couldn't let her go. I have accepted that now and my life is marching forward.
Cold weather and seeing all the beautiful colored lights everywhere and tons of people shopping all over just seems to make me more excited for a new future.
If you are dealing with infidelity, I hope that you stop long enough to take some time for yourself. Holidays are a very hard time to have to deal with heartache. Take time to do something nice for yourself or if you have children, hold them dear and spend that precious time with them.....holidays can be great, you just have to take the time to enjoy !
I learned a hard lesson years ago about infidelity....... you cannot control what your husband/wife or partner does, you can only control what YOU do about it.

Thanksgiving Is Coming And I Will Give Thanks!

2009-11-16T11:58:00.004-06:00

Thanksgiving is almost here, so that means another Thanksgiving Dinner without him, but it's okay. I realize that I have brooded over that man for far much longer than I should have. I look back on many Thanksgiving dinners that we had with my family, and even though he was there he really wasn't "there". He went through the motions, ate his food and went into hiding, playing his little tv games on his playstation or deciding that "someone" needed to have an estimate on a job and off he went. I was so blind, and I didn't even realize it back then. I was married, but so alone. Smiling through the holidays and thinking that everything was fine, but I can see it now, it really wasn't.
Gone are those days of feeling alone, going through the motions of being thankful for having him, when all he probably wanted was to be with "her". I wished I would have seen it back then, and I might have been able to let him go much earlier. Love is so blind, that is true. What brings us to the point that we just hold onto something that just isn't there anymore.
I am so much happier now that I am not living with someone who is just playing the game, trying to take advantage of all he can get. I have my new life now, so the turkey and dressing and all the fixings will be enjoyed by all who honestly really care about giving thanks, and not worried about what could have been.....because now it's better.

Sometimes It Takes A Little While To Get Over It All

2009-11-07T11:28:00.003-06:00

What a lovely day it is today, not too warm out and the sun is shining brightly......inside I am wanting the joy to come through but for some reason, I feel blue inside. I have been doing sooooo well since he and I parted and went our separate ways but today brings a small piece of rememberance back inside of me...I don't like it nor do I want to dwell on it so I thought that I would write about it so that maybe I can get over it and back on track with my new life. I just want to say here how much that I really wanted our marriage to work out. I wanted our family to be together and I long hoped for that miracle. I remember times when things were good and I thought for just a shining, glimmering moment in life that we were going to be able to work things out. I never wanted to actually give him up to another woman, but I had no choice in the matter because he is the one who made that decision. It was hard for me to learn that I could not make that choice for him. Of all the times that I heard him say " I love you" to me, it wasn't enough to let her go. I have to be stronger than this and let my pain go and learn new ways to make my new life get back on track again. Enough said, I thank you for letting me spill my feelings and I know that things will be alright again for me, I just have to be strong.

Why Does He Keep Calling Me?

2009-11-04T15:46:00.002-06:00

He called me again today and I missed his call.... WHAT does he want from me NOW???? Well, I found out, it was the same ole, same ole....he no longer wants our house, the one that he fought me tooth and nail for, and he wants ME to do something about it. This is the second time that he has called me about it, and last month I just let it go because there is nothing I can do about it, but obviously he thinks there is so I listened to him tell me over again about not wanting the house and I told him that I just didn't know. He said that since he is living with his other woman, he doesn't want to be bothered about going back and forth from one house to the other.....this is NOT my problem any longer. Normally, I let things like this bother me, but I am so tired of it all, that I just don't have feelings anymore. I only want to get on with my new life. That was his choice, not mine. Maybe he will learn how to forget my number one of these days, think it's possible?

After The Divorce, Do You Truely Get On With Life?

2009-10-30T20:48:00.002-05:00

I have seen so many people who have gone through a divorce and I have not seen too many "nice" divorces though I hear that they can exist. When my husband and I divorced, I was hurt, mad, sad and didn't WANT to get over him because he hurt me so much and I wanted to make it right, but that just didn't happen....yes, we were civil and he even flirted, called and acted like he wanted me back, but I don't know if it was out of convenience for him or what, but he acted like nothing had happened. Do you really get on with life after you divorce? Well, I think that the answer is yes, because I know that I have.
All the kicking and crying I did over that man I really believed that I would never get past it all, but I have to say that I am on with a new life, and it's good. they do have their ups and downs but life is good. I think that it was good for me to take my time working through it all, because it has given me time to heal.
Healing takes time, and no one can really say how long that time will take for each of us, as we all are different in how we process everything......never give up, because time really does heal our wounds.

Has He Suddenly Remembered He Has A Daughter?

2009-10-27T12:48:00.002-05:00

Out of the blue, I get a phone call and low and behold, it's from him. Normally when I get a call from him it's all about him......something he needs, or needing my help with one thing or another but this time he was calling about our daughter. I was totally happy that he remembered about her-finally after all this time. He had a picture of a horse that he wanted to give to her and he came over and gave it to her, along with $20. She was, of course, elated that he took time out of his "way-too-busy" schedule to remember her. He was here and gone in a flash, maybe only spending 5 minutes with her, but for him, that's better than what he HAS been giving. This man is able to come and see her, take her out WHENEVER he wants because I have allowed that, being that he is always busy, and the fact that she is now 16. It has been many months since she has seen him or even had a phone call from him. I am now wondering if he is going to finally remember he has a daughter. I hope so!

More Sex, Or Less?

2009-10-19T09:46:00.002-05:00

I hear of some people who state that they noticed a fall in the amount of sex going on at home because their partner was with someone else. I think that once I actually found out about what was going on, EVERYTHING stopped for us at that point because I was afraid of any diseases that might be out there, plus I was totally turned OFF by him being with someone else. I will say that, before I knew what was going on, there were times that we went through that there was absolutely no intimacy and then a few times that there was more, so much so, that I was wondering why he was starting to act like a "newlywed" or someone that had just gotten with a new partner. I think that I could have gotten a clue about his infidelities at that point because he was acting like a totally different man.....but did I catch on to it at that time? No, but I guess I should have. Sometimes the clues of infidelity are there, right before your eyes, and it's really hard to see them because you can rationalize them off with answers to satisfy those questions.

10 Emotional Needs

2009-10-15T06:34:00.003-05:00

Here is a list of 10 emotional needs........ does your partner meet them for you? Do you have any to add to this list?

1. affection
2. sexual fulfillment
3. conversation
4. recreational companionship
5. honesty and openness
6. physical attractiveness
7. financial support
8. domestic support
9. family committment
10. admiration

He Called Me To Tell Me "Happy Anniversary"

2009-10-08T15:29:00.003-05:00

Today was just totally unexpected when he called me to tell me happy anniversary. I was shocked, stunned and speechless. I had just almost forgotten what this day was because of all the heartache he has put me through. I had loved him so much but all the pain made me want to forget. The last thing I would have thought I would hear from him was his wishing me a happy anniversary when we aren't even together anymore. He was talking to me as if we were still together, and I didn't quite understand what was going on with him. Does he not think that I am upset that he doesn't have time to come and see our daughter? Doesn't he stop and think that he should? I honestly do not know what's on his mind and I guess I never really did. I hurried up and got off the phone with him because I didn't know what was coming next, but.....oh no! oh yes, he did, he told me that he loved me before I hung up. What in the world is he saying this to me for when he is NOW with the other woman? I am really confused by his actions.

Thankyou All So Much For Your Support

2009-10-07T06:49:00.003-05:00

Thankyou so very much. Support is something very important in today's world. I could not imagine having to go through this kind of thing without having someone to lean on. I don't know but I have found that some families are very supportive and others are just not. The actuality of this whole process is that YOU are the one that has to live with this, the decisions made and learn how to cope.....not your relatives. Of course, if you have children, you also have to worry about how they are dealing with it, but sometimes relatives can say things that can sway decisions and that's good only sometimes. I had the support of my mother and stepdad, and it was such a blessing for me, because they gave me hope that my future would go on, and honestly, it has. I no longer have my mother because she passed not quite a year ago, and my stepdad was gone before her. I haven't forgotten how much she supported me. Do you have a support system to help you with what you are going through? I hope so. I hope that if you don't, that you know that there are many of us out there who seem to be going through the same thing and it hurts like nothing else in this world, but you will, one day, get up and move on as I am trying to do. If you do not have any support, there are blogs like mine, and there are support groups online as well. Once again, I really do thank all of you who follow me and who offer words of great help.

And Life Goes On....

2009-09-23T16:02:00.002-05:00

Well, it's been a little while since he's called me, which means that he doesn't need my help for anything, which is good. I would have thought that by now, and his being with the other woman and now living with her once again, that SHE would be the one to take care of his "woes". I hope that one day he will no longer think that I am supposed to keep on doing things for him. The last time I heard from him was because he wants me to take over the house that he fought me for. I have NO plans on bailing him out of the house, because he owes over $3000 to the man he's buying it from and there is no way that I can help him with that. I have my own life going on now, and it's good......maybe not perfect, but it's getting there. Life MUST go on for me and I need to keep him out of my life. I have found out a long time ago that all he does is hurt me and I don't want to be reeled back in. If you would have asked me a year ago if life goes on without him, I would have cried until there were no tears left, but now, I am over him and moving on with life. If you are out there, and you are going through the pain of infidelity, please know that life WILL go on , and it DOES get better. Never give up.

What Does The Other Woman Want With A Married Man?

2009-09-16T08:36:00.000-05:00

What would a single woman want with a married man? He isn't actually available, unless he's planning on leaving his wife and family. I know that my ex was NOT planning on me finding out about his other woman and did not want to break apart our marriage for her, so what did she want with him anyways? Well, good question and since I am not the other woman, I really don't know what the answer is, but perhaps I can give it a good guess. I know that she DID recieve money from him that helped her out, but that can't be all it was because my ex never made a whole lot of money.....he was really good at hiding it from me though, as I found out. Could it be that she wants him because she doesn't really want to deal with a "full-time" man? I know that when he was with her, it couldn't be for long periods of time. So, what else could she have found appealing in my man? He was a very good looking man, that's for sure but that can't be all there was, so if anybody knows, could you shed some light on it for me? I don't know what she wanted in him, but she has him now, and I am SOOOOOO glad.

He's With The Other Woman, So Why Can't He Give Me Some Peace?

2009-09-15T13:37:00.003-05:00

Wev'e not been together in a long time.....he is with his other woman, is happy with her, and even though I don't hardly ever talk to him, he still lets me know that he loves me.....what is that all about? If the man loved me so dearly, he shouldn't have been a repeat cheater, crushing my heart to tiny bits over and over again. He no longer wants the house that he fought me tooth and nail for......now he wants ME to take it over until our daughter is old enough to have it, pay all the taxes, pay HIS back owed monthly payments that have amounted to the total of $3000, And to top it all off, to let him keep his old work truck in the back yard so he can get his work tools out every day so he won't have to go back to where he and his other woman live. He wants convenience, wants me to pay and be able to get his hold back over me again. It's NOT going to happen. I am not going to turn back now. Why on earth would I want to pay all of that for him when I gave him the house, all payments up to date, and even took my name off all the paperwork. He wanted that house soooooooo bad. Why can't he give me any peace? We are done and over with, he has even turned his back on our daughter. I don't think I will EVER figure him out.

No One Ever Said It Was Easy, But It Can Be Done

2009-09-12T18:41:00.003-05:00

Well, it's been awhile since I last saw his face. I think that's a good thing but I wonder sometimes how our life would be like today, right now, if we were still together. I feel if we would have still been together, we would have our family together however, it would not be a happy one. I might have gone crazy having to deal with "the other woman", and I am not saying that to be mean but just that I would not have known how to deal with the situation any longer than I did. His other woman was a very brave person indeed and she was already leaving messages for me to hear and having her friends call and ask for him, writing letters that came to our mailbox so it was just a matter of time before she may have even faced me....who knows. I think that I did the right thing by letting him go, letting him be with her. I think that while I am learning how to live a new life without him, I am finding our more about myself and learning how to get along. There really is life on the other side of infidelity.....and for some of you who are putting your marriages back together, I wish you well, because it really is nice having a family together.

Do You Believe That "Once A Cheater-Always A Cheater"?

2009-09-03T17:31:00.002-05:00

Some people say it's true, that once a cheater, always a cheater but I don't know if I believe that entirely. I honestly think that some people are cheaters and that's what they want to do, but I think that there are some people out there who really don't cheat because they want to, but because they made a bad decision and are very remorseful for what they did to their family. I am not sure what the statistics are on that, but I would really like to know. As for my situation, it happened more than once, and with more than one woman, and he was NOT remorseful and didn't want to try and make amends of things. Sad but true. And do you stay with someone who is a repeat cheater? I tried but it didn't work out for me......he was just too into the other woman and it was too much for me to try and change. However, if you are with someone who has only cheated one time and is remorseful and wants to make things work out with your marriage/relationship, there may be hope for you after all. It is honestly hard to get the cheating out of your mind, but you can forgive, it that's what you are willing to do. Getting through infidelity really does take time.....this is just not something that you can work through quickly at all, because if you are willing to work it out, it takes time to get the trust back. Do you believe that saying "once a cheater, always a cheater"?

Getting Through Infidelity and My Future

2009-08-25T14:40:00.003-05:00

Some days I feel really strong and able to see that my future is really great, and other days, well, not so good. I think that when you have been through such a trama as infidelity with your partner, it takes a very long time to rebound and actually get it totally past you. But do you ever, really get over it? Do you go into the next relationship with mis-trust? I think it all depends on how you got through the pain of infidelity. My pain was deep, I was hurt, and I never thought in a million years that he would do that to me, to us and to our family....but I had to face the truth and actually admit that he did it, with no remorse, I might add. How can you overcome the feelings of failure? being stomped on? and knowing it was the one person in this world that you loved and trusted with your life? For me, alot of crying went on, and I suppose that was one way that I relieved myself of some of the pain, but moving on takes being able to face what happened, discovering that it wasn't me who made him cheat, and putting one foot in front of the other and taking one day at a time. I feel now, that I am honestly reaching my goal of putting him in my past, and sometimes, it's like we never existed. I know him and I know that he is cheating on her, "the other woman" but that's for her to discover. She got what she wanted, and so did he.....now, it's MY time to find that rainbow that I deserve. Can you get past infidelity? Yes, you can, but it takes time.